Tonight we grilled chicken and tried our son's recipe for zucchini on the grill. It was perfect. Wrapped 3 zucchini and one yellow squash which we cut into one inch chunks, one thinly sliced onion, dried oregano and basil, garlic powder and a little salt in tightly wrapped tin foil. We made a flat rectangular package and squeezed out the air. I also drizzled a little olive oil and a half shot-glass full of water over the vegetables before wrapping. Dave cooked them on the grill next to our chicken for about 20 - 25 minutes. They were really, really good. Better than steamed which is the way I usually cook them. Clean up was easy, too.
Earlier today I smelled an extremely strong smell of gas so we called the gas company to come right over. He checked all of our appliances, furnace, hot water heater and the main gas valve. No leak. Our neighbor was painting her garage door shortly after he arrived. He got very alert and asked if I smelled that paint smell. I remarked that I did but that was not the same odor I had smelled earlier. My neighbor and I told him that she hadn't painted for about 5 days prior to now. This is interesting I think. He said, when you paint with oil-based paint the fumes mix with the gas fumes and produce an awful smell, worse than just natural gas. This happens even weeks or months later until the paint finally hardens and cures. I didn't believe or trust him at first because it seemed like an easy way out. Here she was painting and he decided that was the cause of the smell. After putting him through his paces, I had to finally admit that he was right and there was no gas leak after all. I really grilled him and said if we die tonight, it would be on his head. He said he has been doing this for twenty years and he would absolutely make sure that we were safe. He added that if we were to die because of a gas leak he didn't detect, he would go to jail. That convinced me that I should no longer worry about the smell. He turned on all the appliances and left. About an hour later I tried to dry a load of laundry in my gas dryer. Nothing but cold clothes. I called several numbers at the gas company and after 25 minutes of being on hold, the gas company person said we'd have to wait until tomorrow between 7:00 a.m. and noon for the person to return to turn on the gas on the dryer. 25 minutes of cell phone time wasted listening to their annoying messages!
We were on our way out to get Dave's beloved Corvette inspected when we smelled the gas smell. He left to meet his appointment and I stayed home to wait for the gas man to arrive. The car hasn't been on the road for two years and we decided to enjoy it while we were here so we insured it last week. Unfortunately, it failed inspection because the driver's seat had one inch too much of play in it. Dave was not a happy camper about this decision of the Motor Vehicle Division.
I'm mad at myself for sleeping in too late and didn't walk this morning because it was too hot. How can I justify eating that sundae tonight?
Oh well. What is life unless you are mad, frustrated, sad, or happy. None of these aggravations are a big deal in the scheme of things. I'm on a four-month vacation at the Jersey shore. A vacation from my vacation in Florida where I play golf and enjoy life. Perhaps I'm adjusting to having nothing to fuss about since I no longer have to deal with the administration at mom's place where she lived. There is a great deal of empty time here at the shore in-between guests. As I write this, I realize I am annoying even myself. Such whining! I need a visit to a nursing home to get myself back in the proper perspective. Life is good. I am healthy, the sun is shining again and I have a wonderful family and friends. My simple daily aggravations are no worse than the next person's and certainly nothing like I experienced when mom was in the nursing home. As you read this, I'm slapping myself around and you will not hear any more self-pity from me. Go forth and enjoy your life!!! That's for me and for you, too.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Things are Going my way
Tonight we will be eating bluefish and corn on the cob. I've been calling the local fish markets for days trying to get some bluefish and today I scored! It was only $1.50 per pound but that was with the bones. When the guy handed it over to me it felt like 6 pounds. I asked if the bones were in it as we wanted to grill it. He said, "Yes, I thought you were going to bake it." So, he filleted it for no extra charge and left the skin on as bluefish is rather delicate. I didn't bother to ask for a specific number of pounds of fish as he went to all that trouble for me. So, I think the two of us will consume a good 4 pounds of fish tonight. Wish some of you could join us at the Jersey shore eating freshly caught fish and corn on the cob. Granted, the corn isn't Jersey. It's just too early for that delight. Come late July I will be taunting you with the magnificence of our corn.
The sun has decided to play peek-a-boo with us. Out for a few hours and then cloudy but at least the rain has stopped. We are on-again-off-again with the blanket at night as the cooler temperature makes for great sleeping. My Florida friends are sweating and we are hoping it warms up for good by the July 4th weekend when we will have guests.
Amazingly, I'm still receiving sympathy cards...26 to date...not to mention the numerous e-mails and calls. The outpouring of support and caring has been heartwarming. I'm so grateful for everyone who took the time to tell me that they cared. We don't have to walk alone when we have family and friends to help us through the dark times of our lives. So, life is good. Mom is at peace, I have people who care about me, and I'm about to eat bluefish. It doesn't get much better than that.
The sun has decided to play peek-a-boo with us. Out for a few hours and then cloudy but at least the rain has stopped. We are on-again-off-again with the blanket at night as the cooler temperature makes for great sleeping. My Florida friends are sweating and we are hoping it warms up for good by the July 4th weekend when we will have guests.
Amazingly, I'm still receiving sympathy cards...26 to date...not to mention the numerous e-mails and calls. The outpouring of support and caring has been heartwarming. I'm so grateful for everyone who took the time to tell me that they cared. We don't have to walk alone when we have family and friends to help us through the dark times of our lives. So, life is good. Mom is at peace, I have people who care about me, and I'm about to eat bluefish. It doesn't get much better than that.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Life Begins to Return to Normal
After many nights of eating out, tonight I finally cooked again. I tried a new recipe that I had found about a year ago in a library book called "Small Plates Appetizers as Meals". Unfortunately, I can't credit the author as I didn't write down her name but I can say that it was delicious. I made a few very minor changes as I always do. Can't help myself. Sometimes it just looks like it needs a little more garlic or something else. That is the creative part for me. Anyway, I've been sleeping a bit better since mom passed since I no longer worry about her health or happiness since she is in a better place. I'm getting my energy back. Thus, the cooking began again tonight. It has rained every single day since we arrived in New Jersey so Dave and I have entertained ourselves by going to either Home Depot or the grocery store. While at the fabulous Shop Rite grocery store today I saw the most beautiful Swiss Chard. It was time to try out this recipe. This one is titled:
Italian Sausages With White Beans and Swiss Chard.
2 Tbs. olive oil (EVOO)
4 to 5 sausage links - skin removed(Recipe called for regular sausage but I used turkey, two sweet and three hot but next time I will use all hot)
Beans:
2 Tbs. EVOO
1 large onion, sliced thin
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 cans cannellini beans, rinsed and drained
4 Roma tomatoes, small dice (I used 3 large Florida tomatoes which we had brought with us on our trip up)
1/4 fresh basil leaves, julienned
1 teaspoon kosher salt (I used large grain sea salt)
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Swiss Chard:
1 very large or two smaller bunches Swiss Chard, any color (small chop for the stems and large chop for the greens) - washed and drained
3 Tablespoons EVOO
1 cup low-sodium chicken broth (Swanson's)
1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes (make sure yours are still red and have not turned brown from age)
1/4 cup grated fresh Romano cheese (this is a great taste addition and most necessary to the recipe...don't skimp)
In oil, cook the sausages (I cut them into 4 or 5 sections each) over medium heat, covered, for about 5 minutes. Turn them over and cook 5 minutes more. Remove them from the pan. To the same pan add more oil and the onions. Cook a few minutes then add the garlic, beans, tomatoes, basil, salt and pepper. Simmer on low about 4 minutes, then add the sausage back in and cook 10 minutes more.
In another pan, heat more oil and add the small chop stems from the Swiss Chard. Cook several minutes. then add the greens, (a little at a time if necessary to fit your pan), the broth, crushed red pepper flakes, and salt. Cover and steam 5 minutes or so until wilted, stirring often. Don't overcook them.
Place the cooked chard and some juice on a plate and top with the beans and sausage mixture. Sprinkle grated fresh Romano cheese on top.
I guess by the title of the book that this is supposed to serve many people as an appetizer before a meal. We ate 2/3 of it as our entree. It was very, very delicious and had to be healthy with the beans, tomatoes, chard, turkey and olive oil. While Dave did the dishes (as always) he insisted I put this on my blog and add two stars on this dish in my recipe file. Granted, if you are picky or don't like beans or greens, you probably won't like this recipe. However, if you are like us, you will think it is a definite keeper. Hope you will try it soon. Oh, and I can't suggest often enough that you plant a basil plant in a sunny spot in your yard. So many recipes call for fresh basil and it is very easy to grow. It likes full sun and a lot of water. Fertilize once a week. Happy eating.
Italian Sausages With White Beans and Swiss Chard.
2 Tbs. olive oil (EVOO)
4 to 5 sausage links - skin removed(Recipe called for regular sausage but I used turkey, two sweet and three hot but next time I will use all hot)
Beans:
2 Tbs. EVOO
1 large onion, sliced thin
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 cans cannellini beans, rinsed and drained
4 Roma tomatoes, small dice (I used 3 large Florida tomatoes which we had brought with us on our trip up)
1/4 fresh basil leaves, julienned
1 teaspoon kosher salt (I used large grain sea salt)
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Swiss Chard:
1 very large or two smaller bunches Swiss Chard, any color (small chop for the stems and large chop for the greens) - washed and drained
3 Tablespoons EVOO
1 cup low-sodium chicken broth (Swanson's)
1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes (make sure yours are still red and have not turned brown from age)
1/4 cup grated fresh Romano cheese (this is a great taste addition and most necessary to the recipe...don't skimp)
In oil, cook the sausages (I cut them into 4 or 5 sections each) over medium heat, covered, for about 5 minutes. Turn them over and cook 5 minutes more. Remove them from the pan. To the same pan add more oil and the onions. Cook a few minutes then add the garlic, beans, tomatoes, basil, salt and pepper. Simmer on low about 4 minutes, then add the sausage back in and cook 10 minutes more.
In another pan, heat more oil and add the small chop stems from the Swiss Chard. Cook several minutes. then add the greens, (a little at a time if necessary to fit your pan), the broth, crushed red pepper flakes, and salt. Cover and steam 5 minutes or so until wilted, stirring often. Don't overcook them.
Place the cooked chard and some juice on a plate and top with the beans and sausage mixture. Sprinkle grated fresh Romano cheese on top.
I guess by the title of the book that this is supposed to serve many people as an appetizer before a meal. We ate 2/3 of it as our entree. It was very, very delicious and had to be healthy with the beans, tomatoes, chard, turkey and olive oil. While Dave did the dishes (as always) he insisted I put this on my blog and add two stars on this dish in my recipe file. Granted, if you are picky or don't like beans or greens, you probably won't like this recipe. However, if you are like us, you will think it is a definite keeper. Hope you will try it soon. Oh, and I can't suggest often enough that you plant a basil plant in a sunny spot in your yard. So many recipes call for fresh basil and it is very easy to grow. It likes full sun and a lot of water. Fertilize once a week. Happy eating.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Thanks for Your Kindness
It's been five days since mom passed away. I'm beginning to get used to the idea. I'm unsure how I'll feel when I return to Florida after this four-month stay in New Jersey. Here, I am so far removed from the scene where my sister and I spent time with our mother on a daily basis that it seems almost surreal. The wonderful thing is how my friends and family have responded with so many phone calls and the wonder of instant e-mail. Not that I won't treasure a sympathy card if I get one...believe me, I will. That will be something I can touch and hold and know the sender spent time selecting and sending. But right now is when I'm hurting and e-mail is so now, so in the moment. At first I thought it seemed impersonal but then I realized that most of my friends have no idea where I am in New Jersey with no way to contact me. They reached out to me in the quickest way they could. It means so much to have friends and family surround you (even though not physically) when you are hurting. No matter whether it is a call, e-mail, card, or comment at the end of my blogs, the fact that anyone cares enough to connect is what matters most. My daughter has called daily to make sure I'm o.k. and to cheer me up with stories about my beloved grandchildren. Our son has text-messaged and called, my sister and brother call often to commiserate. My husband is my rock and most constant supporter who is always within reach for a pat or chat or hug or a source of distraction from my sadness. Each night he provides me with chocolate or tonight a java chip ice cream sundae with hot fudge and whipped cream. Comforting for sure. I could not have made it through these three years without my sister, Carolyn, who walked with me each step of the way. Together we formed a bond that no one can undo. We struggled with the administrators of the nursing home, we struggled with the nurses and cna's to try and get them to do the smallest of things necessary to mom's care. We cried together and we laughed together. The biggest of all thanks to my sister.
A big thank you to everyone who has expressed their concern. It really means more than you could imagine.
Really, I must stop feeling sorry for myself and my loss. I had my mother for 93-1/2 years... way longer than many people have their mother. And, we had a wonderful relationship. I can "always remember and never forget" not only that she loved me but also that she was a treasure to all who knew her.
A big thank you to everyone who has expressed their concern. It really means more than you could imagine.
Really, I must stop feeling sorry for myself and my loss. I had my mother for 93-1/2 years... way longer than many people have their mother. And, we had a wonderful relationship. I can "always remember and never forget" not only that she loved me but also that she was a treasure to all who knew her.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
We Say Good Bye to Mom
Today we lost mom. She passed away a little before noon after a very short episode of a breathing/oxygen problem probably due to her more recent lack of ability to swallow properly. She most likely aspirated something a few ago and it was finally too much for her body to handle. Granted, mom has been passing away a little at a time for several years now but the actual fact that she is gone is still too raw to think about. As you know if you are a reader, for three plus years my sister and I have been trying valiantly to keep mom alive yet comfortable and as happy as she can be with Alzheimer's disease. It was never our plan to keep her alive with tubes and artificial means. We stayed true to that plan and just maintained her health the best we could naturally. We always said to each other, "As long as she is alive, we will do our best to keep her comfortable and try to bring her some happiness in her remaining years."
The last few years have been very hard for mom yet she never complained and remained her so sweet self to the end. The interesting (to me) thing is that she never expressed a desire to die no matter how awful her life had become. At least it looked awful to anyone looking in from the outside. Apparently, the will to live is very, very strong and she persevered and fought to stay alive until her body finally could no longer do so.
Mom was a great talker before the Alzheimer's. She was the custodian of our family history and had stories for every member of the family. A great reader, she often would quote something she had read, saying, "I read an article..." and then would tell us all about it. Ironically, her preamble to a story would be, "I'll always remember", or "I'll never forget". Tragically, she could no longer remember anything and she did indeed forget everything about her prior life. At the beginning of the disease she could remember her past but not the immediate present. At the end she could remember nothing of her past or the present. It was as though she hadn't lived 93 and one-half years. She couldn't remember a single thing about what she had done, where she had gone, or who people were. Except for her family. We are fortunate that she always, always remembered her family, especially her beloved husband. So, while she was a dominant force in our lives, I guess we were an integral part of hers as this horrible disease could not erase us from her mind.
Mom was a very special person and the whole family will miss her greatly. She had a long and happy life with a wonderful marriage, three loving children and their spouses, five grandchildren, and ten great-grandchildren. Each family member has said what a great influence she had on their lives. She remained connected to every generation and was a great source of strength when it was most needed. She is finally at peace as we should be with the knowledge that she went gently to the other side. She suffered the loss of her memory and part of her essence with the disease that steals the mind. Through it all she was true to form...a wonderful, loving person, generous, kind and sweet. I'm proud of the person she was and honored to be her daughter. It was a privilege to help smooth the way for her on the bumpy road of Alzheimer's disease.
The last few years have been very hard for mom yet she never complained and remained her so sweet self to the end. The interesting (to me) thing is that she never expressed a desire to die no matter how awful her life had become. At least it looked awful to anyone looking in from the outside. Apparently, the will to live is very, very strong and she persevered and fought to stay alive until her body finally could no longer do so.
Mom was a great talker before the Alzheimer's. She was the custodian of our family history and had stories for every member of the family. A great reader, she often would quote something she had read, saying, "I read an article..." and then would tell us all about it. Ironically, her preamble to a story would be, "I'll always remember", or "I'll never forget". Tragically, she could no longer remember anything and she did indeed forget everything about her prior life. At the beginning of the disease she could remember her past but not the immediate present. At the end she could remember nothing of her past or the present. It was as though she hadn't lived 93 and one-half years. She couldn't remember a single thing about what she had done, where she had gone, or who people were. Except for her family. We are fortunate that she always, always remembered her family, especially her beloved husband. So, while she was a dominant force in our lives, I guess we were an integral part of hers as this horrible disease could not erase us from her mind.
Mom was a very special person and the whole family will miss her greatly. She had a long and happy life with a wonderful marriage, three loving children and their spouses, five grandchildren, and ten great-grandchildren. Each family member has said what a great influence she had on their lives. She remained connected to every generation and was a great source of strength when it was most needed. She is finally at peace as we should be with the knowledge that she went gently to the other side. She suffered the loss of her memory and part of her essence with the disease that steals the mind. Through it all she was true to form...a wonderful, loving person, generous, kind and sweet. I'm proud of the person she was and honored to be her daughter. It was a privilege to help smooth the way for her on the bumpy road of Alzheimer's disease.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Tie Score
I purposely arrived a little later today to spend more time with mom after lunch rather than during. As I entered the dining room, I saw that the CNA was feeding mom and she was almost finished with her lunch. I had never seen this CNA before and asked her where mom's glasses were. She was surprised and said, she supposed in her room. I thought she said she didn't have mom today and didn't know her. I retrieved mom's glasses and while putting them on her face noticed her hearing aid wasn't in her ear. I said, "Her hearing aid isn't in her ear. Who is her CNA today?" She said she was. Apparently, I didn't hear her correctly the first time when she must have said that she had mom but didn't know her. I got the hearing aid from the nurse who had it locked in her medication cart and asked her if there wasn't a chart or something the new CNA's should be checking to see what their residents' requirements are. She tut-tutted and agreed that it is a sad state of affairs, and that she would mention it to somebody in charge that the CNA's should do a better job.
I decided to keep a tally of points regarding care. Minus two for the lack of glasses and hearing aid. Plus one because the chair alarm was turned on. I asked the CNA if mom's eyes had been shut during the whole meal. She said, "Yes, I think she needs to have a wet cloth put on them as they are stuck shut." Minus at least one point. Not only had she noticed it earlier, she didn't remedy it. She relayed how she mashed up the hard, tough vegetables and meat and made a softer, more moist meal for mom to eat. Plus one. I then noticed that the brand new small pillow I had purchased yesterday was missing. It was supposed to be behind her head. I asked the CNA and she immediately knew where it was. She had put it under the other two pillows which hold up mom's legs so she wouldn't slip down off the chair. One point for creativity. Much later, when she put mom in bed for her nap, she didn't brush mom's teeth with the new dentist-prescribed paste. Didn't even mention it but as she hadn't looked at the chart, she wouldn't know that. Minus 2 points because it is a key health issue. She made sure that mom's head was raised up because she had noticed that mom has trouble swallowing and sometimes coughs or gags. Plus two points because that is another key to her health. Adding them up made it a tie score. While I would like it to be 100% correct, it just isn't going to happen. It has been a hard realization but I have to give in at some point or drive myself crazy trying to make it perfect. Maybe my teeth grinding will cease if I let my perfectionism go.
In mom's room I put on some beautiful music. First I soaked her eyes to remove the stuck on stuff so she could open her eyes. Then I gave her a mini-facial with a skin exfoliate and moisturizer I had brought from home. Rubbed A&D ointment on her legs and feet and exercised her legs a little. I finished up with a good head rub and she was sleeping in her chair. When I bent to kiss and tell her goodbye she woke up and said she wanted to go with me. She was quite adamant so I told her I would stay awhile longer. Then the CNA came in and put her in bed for her nap. She was still awake so I had to soothe her to sleep with more head massage. Since I am going out of town in a few days for many weeks, it's becoming more difficult for me to leave mom. I know she will be in my sister's competent hands and she, like I, does the best she can. I just wish we didn't have to compensate for the lack of care from the CNA's and the details they overlook. In my perfect world, people would do things perfectly. Sigh.
I decided to keep a tally of points regarding care. Minus two for the lack of glasses and hearing aid. Plus one because the chair alarm was turned on. I asked the CNA if mom's eyes had been shut during the whole meal. She said, "Yes, I think she needs to have a wet cloth put on them as they are stuck shut." Minus at least one point. Not only had she noticed it earlier, she didn't remedy it. She relayed how she mashed up the hard, tough vegetables and meat and made a softer, more moist meal for mom to eat. Plus one. I then noticed that the brand new small pillow I had purchased yesterday was missing. It was supposed to be behind her head. I asked the CNA and she immediately knew where it was. She had put it under the other two pillows which hold up mom's legs so she wouldn't slip down off the chair. One point for creativity. Much later, when she put mom in bed for her nap, she didn't brush mom's teeth with the new dentist-prescribed paste. Didn't even mention it but as she hadn't looked at the chart, she wouldn't know that. Minus 2 points because it is a key health issue. She made sure that mom's head was raised up because she had noticed that mom has trouble swallowing and sometimes coughs or gags. Plus two points because that is another key to her health. Adding them up made it a tie score. While I would like it to be 100% correct, it just isn't going to happen. It has been a hard realization but I have to give in at some point or drive myself crazy trying to make it perfect. Maybe my teeth grinding will cease if I let my perfectionism go.
In mom's room I put on some beautiful music. First I soaked her eyes to remove the stuck on stuff so she could open her eyes. Then I gave her a mini-facial with a skin exfoliate and moisturizer I had brought from home. Rubbed A&D ointment on her legs and feet and exercised her legs a little. I finished up with a good head rub and she was sleeping in her chair. When I bent to kiss and tell her goodbye she woke up and said she wanted to go with me. She was quite adamant so I told her I would stay awhile longer. Then the CNA came in and put her in bed for her nap. She was still awake so I had to soothe her to sleep with more head massage. Since I am going out of town in a few days for many weeks, it's becoming more difficult for me to leave mom. I know she will be in my sister's competent hands and she, like I, does the best she can. I just wish we didn't have to compensate for the lack of care from the CNA's and the details they overlook. In my perfect world, people would do things perfectly. Sigh.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Today I Fulfilled the Companion Role
I visited mom around 9:30 this morning but she was sound asleep in her chair. Woke up enough to greet me but really didn't want to wake up. I spoke with her nurse for about 15 minutes about the fact that mom isn't getting the restorative therapy she needs. She suggested I write a letter to the head of administration so I did just that. We'll see what happens next.
I returned at dinner time. Mom seemed to know that I was someone special in her life by the greeting she gave me. She often took my hand and gave it a kiss. I fed her dinner and tried to understand what she was occasionally saying, but to no avail. After dinner I gave her teeth a quick brushing before the official brushing, just to be sure the big amounts of food were gone. She resisted at first and then let me do what I wanted with her teeth. Mom said, "You are so good to me. Thank you." I said my usual, that she deserves good attention and that she gave me good care while I was growing up so I was just returning the favor. A few minutes later I stepped a few feet away to do something and I heard her calling in an extemely loud voice, "mother." I said, "Your mother isn't here, but I am. I'm your daughter and I'm here to be with you." I received the biggest smile I've seen in a long time. She said, "So, you are here to check on me." I reassured her that I was there to be sure she was o.k. She was tired and was eager to get to bed. The cna arrived and took over. I kissed her good bye, told her I loved her and left with a light footstep. She was about to be in her cozy bed and I had made sure she ate a good dinner. At this point, it did seem enough. At least for tonight.
I returned at dinner time. Mom seemed to know that I was someone special in her life by the greeting she gave me. She often took my hand and gave it a kiss. I fed her dinner and tried to understand what she was occasionally saying, but to no avail. After dinner I gave her teeth a quick brushing before the official brushing, just to be sure the big amounts of food were gone. She resisted at first and then let me do what I wanted with her teeth. Mom said, "You are so good to me. Thank you." I said my usual, that she deserves good attention and that she gave me good care while I was growing up so I was just returning the favor. A few minutes later I stepped a few feet away to do something and I heard her calling in an extemely loud voice, "mother." I said, "Your mother isn't here, but I am. I'm your daughter and I'm here to be with you." I received the biggest smile I've seen in a long time. She said, "So, you are here to check on me." I reassured her that I was there to be sure she was o.k. She was tired and was eager to get to bed. The cna arrived and took over. I kissed her good bye, told her I loved her and left with a light footstep. She was about to be in her cozy bed and I had made sure she ate a good dinner. At this point, it did seem enough. At least for tonight.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Mom Loves Us
The following entry was written weeks ago but due to editing errors on my part, the publishing was delayed. I thought mom's comments were noteworthy and didn't want you to miss them so here they are now.
Fortunately, the antibiotics worked their magic and mom was cleared to rejoin society (if you can call it that)back upstairs in the nursing home. While mom was still in isolation for the MRSA (staff infection) in her eye, we shared an unusually chatty day when she actually made sense. I jotted down quick notes while there so I wouldn't forget the amazing comments. Some were amusing while others were poignant and made me weep.
I wore gloves for my protection which is good if you have an open wound on your hands. However, if you touch your own eyes, nose or mouth after touching the infected person, the gloves do no good. Each time I got emotional I wanted to wipe away my tears...but the gloves had the potential MRSA on them. I'd strip off the gloves, go the the bathroom sink, wash my hands and forearms, put on new gloves and return to mom's room.It was a never-ending cycle. I'd give mom a head rub and tell myself to keep my hands out of my eyes. Then my eyes would itch so I'd rub them with my forearm, push my hair out of my eyes with my forearm,and finally, give up and wash my hands and start over again with new gloves. Comb her hair - replace gloves. Wipe away her dripping eye gunk - replace gloves. Feed her lunch - new gloves. I was so spooked about getting MRSA that I almost washed my hands raw. At times I thought to myself, "I'm spending more time in the bathroom washing my hands than I am with her." However, we had such a good connection that day that it made all the scrubbing worthwhile.
Me: I think this is almost the same dinner as you had last night.
Mom laughing: Oh no, it wasn't good then!
Mom: It's so dirty.
Me: What is?
Mom: That man over there.
Me: I don't know what you are seeing, but there is only you and me here in the room.
Mom: Thank you.
It's nice to be able to comfort mom when she is confused or worrying about something. For all I know, she was trying to describe something other than a man and the wrong word came out. You just have to go with the flow and do the best you can to clarify her sentences and thoughts. She is always so appreciative and relieved when I guess right and she can let that worry go.
Mom: Am I stuck here tonight?
Me: Yes, I'm afraid so. You have a contagious eye infection that they don't want spread around so you have to stay in this room tonight. I'm sorry.
Mom: O.K., if you say so.
Here again I went with the flow by saying she would have to stay there tonight. I knew she would be stuck in that room for at least 10 days but that would be even more upsetting. I've learned that little white lies or lying by omission must be a forgivable sin when dealing with Alzheimer's.
Mom: I'm trying to be like you...sweet and nice.
Me: Oh, you are the sweet one. Everyone says so.
Mom: You don't have to do anything more for me. You do enough.
Me: I don't do that much. You have done so much for me and the family that I like to be here with you.
Mom: I have no memory. I can't talk to anyone.
Me: I'm sorry it is so hard for you. It's not fair.
This one definitely had me wiping my eyes. If you think of someone with Alzheimer's as a person who has a blank space in their head with no thoughts at all it's somehow easier to deal with their situation. It isn't as painful to be with your loved one if you can tell yourself they don't know what's going on. You can tell yourself, "Oh, she doesn't even know where she is or what day it is. She is living in la la land." The truth of the matter though, at least at this stage of the disease, is that mom does have thoughts and worries. There is a real thinking person inside of her. She just doesn't have the ability to articulate clearly what she is thinking. I was amazed that on this particular day she could tell me about her memory loss. I didn't have a good answer as to why she has this disease. I could only commiserate. It didn't seem enough.
Mom: I'm worried.
Me: What are you worried about?
Mom: I can't tell the people that I love them.
Me: The family?
Mom: Yes.
Me: I'll tell them tonight.
Mom: Oh, good. Thank you.
Sorry it took so long to relay mom's message of love to the family. Please pass it on to anyone who doesn't read this that mom loves them.
And, finally, when I opened the door to her room to let the sun shine in on her..
Mom: I'm so happy. This warmth..everyone should have this.
Me: It's wonderful. I'm glad you are happy.
Mom's glimpse into reality (or more accurately, her ability to use the correct words to express herself) was a mixed blessing for me. The truth of her comments, her realization that she had lost her memory, that she couldn't tell her family she loved them, and that she was stuck there was so sad for me to hear. I tried so hard to keep a smile on my face because I didn't want to add to her fear and discomfort. It wasn't easy. The hand washing, tear wiping, new gloves routine continued for the visit. But, the visit wasn't about me and how sad I was. It was a day to celebrate because she could express herself and I could understand, clarify, agree, explain, validate and actually converse with her. In a way, it was a day all of us can be grateful for as we "heard" her tell us of her love, one more time.
Fortunately, the antibiotics worked their magic and mom was cleared to rejoin society (if you can call it that)back upstairs in the nursing home. While mom was still in isolation for the MRSA (staff infection) in her eye, we shared an unusually chatty day when she actually made sense. I jotted down quick notes while there so I wouldn't forget the amazing comments. Some were amusing while others were poignant and made me weep.
I wore gloves for my protection which is good if you have an open wound on your hands. However, if you touch your own eyes, nose or mouth after touching the infected person, the gloves do no good. Each time I got emotional I wanted to wipe away my tears...but the gloves had the potential MRSA on them. I'd strip off the gloves, go the the bathroom sink, wash my hands and forearms, put on new gloves and return to mom's room.It was a never-ending cycle. I'd give mom a head rub and tell myself to keep my hands out of my eyes. Then my eyes would itch so I'd rub them with my forearm, push my hair out of my eyes with my forearm,and finally, give up and wash my hands and start over again with new gloves. Comb her hair - replace gloves. Wipe away her dripping eye gunk - replace gloves. Feed her lunch - new gloves. I was so spooked about getting MRSA that I almost washed my hands raw. At times I thought to myself, "I'm spending more time in the bathroom washing my hands than I am with her." However, we had such a good connection that day that it made all the scrubbing worthwhile.
Me: I think this is almost the same dinner as you had last night.
Mom laughing: Oh no, it wasn't good then!
Mom: It's so dirty.
Me: What is?
Mom: That man over there.
Me: I don't know what you are seeing, but there is only you and me here in the room.
Mom: Thank you.
It's nice to be able to comfort mom when she is confused or worrying about something. For all I know, she was trying to describe something other than a man and the wrong word came out. You just have to go with the flow and do the best you can to clarify her sentences and thoughts. She is always so appreciative and relieved when I guess right and she can let that worry go.
Mom: Am I stuck here tonight?
Me: Yes, I'm afraid so. You have a contagious eye infection that they don't want spread around so you have to stay in this room tonight. I'm sorry.
Mom: O.K., if you say so.
Here again I went with the flow by saying she would have to stay there tonight. I knew she would be stuck in that room for at least 10 days but that would be even more upsetting. I've learned that little white lies or lying by omission must be a forgivable sin when dealing with Alzheimer's.
Mom: I'm trying to be like you...sweet and nice.
Me: Oh, you are the sweet one. Everyone says so.
Mom: You don't have to do anything more for me. You do enough.
Me: I don't do that much. You have done so much for me and the family that I like to be here with you.
Mom: I have no memory. I can't talk to anyone.
Me: I'm sorry it is so hard for you. It's not fair.
This one definitely had me wiping my eyes. If you think of someone with Alzheimer's as a person who has a blank space in their head with no thoughts at all it's somehow easier to deal with their situation. It isn't as painful to be with your loved one if you can tell yourself they don't know what's going on. You can tell yourself, "Oh, she doesn't even know where she is or what day it is. She is living in la la land." The truth of the matter though, at least at this stage of the disease, is that mom does have thoughts and worries. There is a real thinking person inside of her. She just doesn't have the ability to articulate clearly what she is thinking. I was amazed that on this particular day she could tell me about her memory loss. I didn't have a good answer as to why she has this disease. I could only commiserate. It didn't seem enough.
Mom: I'm worried.
Me: What are you worried about?
Mom: I can't tell the people that I love them.
Me: The family?
Mom: Yes.
Me: I'll tell them tonight.
Mom: Oh, good. Thank you.
Sorry it took so long to relay mom's message of love to the family. Please pass it on to anyone who doesn't read this that mom loves them.
And, finally, when I opened the door to her room to let the sun shine in on her..
Mom: I'm so happy. This warmth..everyone should have this.
Me: It's wonderful. I'm glad you are happy.
Mom's glimpse into reality (or more accurately, her ability to use the correct words to express herself) was a mixed blessing for me. The truth of her comments, her realization that she had lost her memory, that she couldn't tell her family she loved them, and that she was stuck there was so sad for me to hear. I tried so hard to keep a smile on my face because I didn't want to add to her fear and discomfort. It wasn't easy. The hand washing, tear wiping, new gloves routine continued for the visit. But, the visit wasn't about me and how sad I was. It was a day to celebrate because she could express herself and I could understand, clarify, agree, explain, validate and actually converse with her. In a way, it was a day all of us can be grateful for as we "heard" her tell us of her love, one more time.
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