You're Going to Love This One

Three months without a posting. I know there are no longer any readers but I may gain a few back with this new recipe I found in Gourmet magazine. I served this guinea pig style (untested) over the holidays and it received rave reviews. Everyone was so crazy about it, I served it again three days later. Here it is:

Roasted Cauliflower with Kalamata Vinaigrette

1 (2-1/2 to 3 pound) head cauliflower
1/4 cup Extra Virgin Olive Oil, divided use
1 clove garlic
2 Tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1/4 cup (or a touch more if you have enough) pitted, Kalamata olives (drained)and finely chopped
salt and pepper

Preheat oven to 450 degrees with rack in the lower third of the oven. I have only five rows so I put my rack on the second from the bottom.

Cut cauliflower lengthwise into 3/4" thick slices. Put in a large 4-sided sheet pan and toss with 2 Tablespoons oil, 1/2 teaspoon each salt and pepper. Toss to coat.
Roast, turning once or twice, until golden and just tender, 25 minutes.

While it roasts (I put this part together a few hours ahead of time and left it on the counter, covered), mince and mash the garlic to a paste with a pinch of salt. Whisk it together with the lemon juice, the remaining 2 Tablespoons of oil, the olives, 1/8 teaspoon of salt and 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper.

Empty cooked cauliflower into serving bowl, pour vinaigrette over and toss to coat. Serve warm (although it is tasty at room temperature, too).

I doubled this recipe to serve 6 people. I served it both times accompanied by other vegetables, potatoes, meat/fish and a big salad. It may not serve 6 people under other circumstances.

Enjoy.

Brag, Brag, Brag

Since I was born and raised in Jersey, I figure that gives me bragging rights to be as proud of Jersey corn as though I gave birth to it. Last week while visiting my favorite farm stand, I asked the proprietor how she cooked her corn. Figuring she would just confirm what I already know about cooking corn, I was astounded when she gave me a very unusual recipe. She said a customer who was from Germany gave it to her a few years ago and everyone who tries it absolutely loves it. She made me promise to tell her how I liked it if I ever tried the recipe.

Here it is:

Extra Virgin Olive Oil

4 ears of Corn (uncooked)

5 Scallions

Salt and Pepper

A big chunk of butter (about 3 Tablespoons)

Holding on to each raw ear of corn, stand it up in a large, shallow bowl and cut off the kernels with a sharp knife. The kernels will fall right into the bowl so there is no mess or loss of corn.

Wash the scallions well under running water. Trim off both ends and discard. Slice the green into 1/2 inch pieces and slice the white smaller.

In a large 10-inch saute pan, barely cover the bottom with olive oil. Don't use too much oil, just enough to almost cover the pan in a thin layer. Heat the oil for a few seconds and dump in the corn and scallions. Add salt and pepper and saute over medium-high heat for about 5 minutes, tossing often. Add the lump of butter, stir to melt and serve the corn piping hot.

The recipe as she gave it to me called for 6 ears of corn to about 5 scallions but I like it the way I made it. Of course, scallions are not all equal in size so you will have to figure out for yourself how many to put in. It's not rocket science so whatever you do it will be delicious. Definitely cook it in olive oil and don't skimp on the butter. This is not the time to worry about a calorie here and there. Don't eliminate anything.

Dave had purchased 5 ears of corn and I reserved one as a back up in case the recipe was a bust. I cooked it the usual way in boiling water for just 3 minutes.

After digging in to the new recipe and hearing lots of mmmmm sounds from Dave, I asked his opinion. He loved it as did I. Then we both took a bite from the ear cooked the traditional way. Also delicious. The final decision for both of us: we loved them equally but if you only get one or two opportunities a summer to have fresh corn, then you should be a purist and have it on the cobb. However, if you are lucky like we are and get corn for several months, then you should absolutely, positively try the new recipe. In fact, if you don't have access to Jersey corn, perhaps you should always use the new recipe as it somewhat changes the taste and may improve sub-par corn. You will not be disappointed. Writing this makes me hanker for some more. Think I'll drive over to that stand and thank the lady and get some more corn for lunch. Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Yummy.

A Final Farewell to Mom

A few weeks ago we held a memorial service for mom. Since my blog is titled, "Caring for mom in Sun City Center Florida" and I have been writing about her for several years, it seems only fitting to post her eulogy as my final tribute to her.

Janet Elizabeth Roberts Smith

She was born December 17, 1915, and lived a full, rich life of 93-1/2 years.

She graduated from Katharine Gibbs Secretarial School. She loved to tell the story of how she never got paid for her first job as her boss went to the track every day so there was no money left to pay her salary. That was one of hundreds of stories she liked to tell. She married at age 21 and had a beautiful love-filled marriage for 58 years until her dear Dan passed away. She often said how lucky she was to have him, that she got a good one. Even at the end of her life when her memory was gone, she never forgot her husband, her Dan. Neither dad nor mom had any siblings but they built their own family with three children, five grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren.

Perhaps the reason we're so sad at mom's passing is because she was such an extraordinary woman. Janet, Mom, the Gina, Grandma, Gigi...no matter what you called her, she was always available for you. She was a great talker, but also a wonderful listener. She brought comfort and a good listening ear to all who needed support. Whether good news or bad, she wanted to be in on it...she never wanted to be left out of the loop. She was very sympathetic and your pain was her pain. Your joy was her joy. She would listen and listen for as long as you wanted to talk. If you had a problem, she wanted to help solve it. She was like a second mother to Danny and Karen. She supported us all in every situation. If you were a friend or relative of hers, she stood by your side and didn't let you down. She knew how to give you her undivided attention and to make you feel special. She had a thirst for knowledge and loved sitting, listening and learning about people. Because she really listened to what you were saying, she also remembered it. Her grandkids would tell her about their friends. The next time they spoke she remembered to ask about their friends by name. Before Alzheimer's stole it away, she had an amazing memory. Mom could remember things about my life that I couldn't remember...and it was my life!

Because of her great memory, she was the keeper of the family history which she relayed to us with story after story. She could talk. Many of her stories began with, "I'll always remember", or, "I'll never forget." She had a story for every situation. In fact, we secretly called her, "Our Lady of Perpetual Stories." Now I realize that her stories were another way that she shared herself with us and I'm grateful to have heard them.

If I had to choose only one word to describe her, it would be, "sweet." She was a sensitive person who never knowingly hurt anyone. In fact, during the last year of her life when she would yell out in pain or fear when being moved by a caretaker, she would then apologize or even say, "Thank you." Whoever discussed my mother, whether it be friend, family member, or paid caretaker, the word they used was "sweet." Fortunately, I don't have to choose only one word to describe her.

Generous comes to mind. She always said it gave her great pleasure to give to someone she cared about. She was also generous with her time and attention to the family. Even while her health was declining and she was not enjoying her own life, she wanted all of the family to be enjoying theirs. She cared about us and was interested in how we were doing even while she was not in a good place. That kind of generosity of spirit is rare.

Mom was very intelligent and a voracious reader. She often said, "You are never lonely when you have a book." She was an educator. So often she'd start a sentence with, "I read an article" and then would tell us what she had learned. Although she was a fine secretary, she really should have been a doctor. She loved medicine and listened with rapt attention when anyone anywhere was discussing an illness. She soaked up medical knowledge like a sponge and was an excellent diagnostician of all of our family's ailments.

She was the keeper of the rules. She always made us abide by the rules. There was no grey area. If it was a rule or a law, then it was not to be broken. To this day, some of us are so trained to obey the rules that when driving a car we wouldn't dream of entering into an area that was marked as an exit. When you visited mom in Florida, she had a rule that you wear sunscreen at the beach. If you came home with any degree of redness, you were labeled, "Raw Meat!"

Mom was a firm believer in telling the truth. She would not lie. When we were teenagers, if someone called us on the phone and we didn't want to talk to them, we'd ask her to tell them we weren't home. There was no way she would do that for us because she wouldn't lie. She'd tell the caller she would look to see where we were while frantically waving at us to get outside of the house. Even in the dead of winter with a blizzard swirling around, we had to go outside. When we were completely outside and she felt comfortable that she wasn't lying, only then would she tell the caller we weren't there. She wouldn't lie for us or to us. She was trustworthy. She also kept her promises. I can't remember her ever changing her mind about something she had promised. She was as good as her word.

She was a worrier. She worried about everything. She invented a "worst case scenario" for the least remotely possible catastrophe and wanted to warn you to be careful to avoid it. She worried if the sun would rise or the sun would set. She worried so much you would think you didn't have to worry because she had it covered. She worried every day of her life and most of her worries never came to pass. We often tried to tell her not to worry, that she worried too much. When she was well into her nineties, she told us she was trying to change that about herself.

She was strong in various ways. She had strong opinions about right and wrong. she was strong in her love for her husband and family. She had a strong constitution and survived several operations and illnesses late in life. She showed her strength when she became a widow. She was independent as she never insisted on living with her children. She said we had our own lives to live and she would live with her contemporaries.

She was never moody. She had a cheerful attitude and was happy to see people enjoying themselves. She loved doing laundry and would sing at the top of her lungs while doing so. She knew how to make a chore into a good time. She loved animals but especially dogs. She had Mitzi and Penny during her marriage and enjoyed other family dogs as well. Her favorite dog of all is Betty who gave her great joy in the last few years of her life.

She was fun to be with and she was funny, too. She appreciated a funny story as much as anyone and often roared with laughter as she heard it. There aren't many people who could laugh at themselves so easily. She didn't take herself too seriously, and we all loved her for that. Being an only child, she wasn't used to teasing and never really liked it. However, Dave could always tease her and get away with it. One day a few years ago while sitting around the pool, Dave said that she could go in the water but skinny-dipping was not allowed. She roared with laughter. The last year of her life she still amazed us by some of the amusing things she said. For example, I told mom I had gained weight when our friends were visiting. She said, "I'm glad you had plenty to eat." She told me she was cold and I said I would make her warm. She burst out laughing and said, "Don't burn the place down!" Mom loved desserts and chocolate. Carolyn asked if mom wanted dessert. Mom said, "If I ever say I don't want dessert you'll know it's all over for me." Another time I asked her if she wanted a chocolate candy and she said, "That's a foolish question." One day she asked me, "How will we entertain these people?" There was no one there but the two of us so I asked her, "What people?" She thought for a minute and said, "Us!" Then she laughed and laughed at her own joke.

She saw many changes in her life but she always tried to keep up with the modern ways. She was not one for saying things were better in the past. She was accepting of the future and tried to keep up, at least in her attitude. She made a huge effort to connect with her grandchildren and tried to understand the world as they knew it. She had a big influence on all of us in one way or another. Perhaps each of us should remember what we loved most about her and try to meld that into ourselves. She was the most loving person. She just loved with all her heart. We miss her. We loved her. We're lucky to have had her and we won't forget her.

So to Janet, Mom, the Gina, Grandma, Gigi, we must say goodbye until we meet again. If she were here right now, the first thing she would tell us is to drive carefully. Then she would tell us how wonderful we all are. She would say how she hopes we will be o.k. because she doesn't want to worry any longer. That she wants us to find a way to embrace life; to be grateful for what we have and to live out the remainder of our lives happy and contented. Then she would tell us a story about how she has spread a little of herself into each of our hearts so we will always feel her love for us. Then she would say, "I'm with pop pop, my Dan now, and I'm at peace."

And They Said it Wouldn't Last!

Just kidding. Nobody said it wouldn't last. But, here we are, 40 years after saying "I do" and still together. We had to take this picture of ourselves with Dave's arm extended because we were alone. Perhaps that's how anniversaries should be celebrated, though...alone together. After all, we came into this agreement with just the two of us and it seems fitting to celebrate it with just the two of us.

How clearly I can remember our courtship as though it were yesterday. I remember the reasons why we fell in love and know it was a good decision to marry. Sure, sometimes during the 40 years it wasn't as easy as other times but the prize was always in sight; to stay together and live our lives through old age side by side. It helps that we had good examples. My parents were married 58 years until Dad passed away and Dave's parents are still together for 66 years and counting. However, I think it's more than that which has kept us together. I think that during times of stress it's remembering the good qualities in your mate. It's saying to yourself, "Well, this is annoying but how can I forget how wonderful he/she was when..." It's remembering that we, ourselves, are not perfect.

It's about sharing experiences and remembering to have fun together. And, that's what we did on September 6th. We carefully thought about where we wanted to have our special dinner. We made the reservation. We had a fabulous dinner at a new place so we experienced that together. Then, for old time's sake, we went to a favorite haunt and had an after dinner drink. While there, the entertainer of the night who knew us from many prior visits, greeted us warmly. Dave somewhat proudly told him we had come there tonight because we were celebrating our 40th anniversary. Larry quickly picked up on the news and gave us each a free drink card. Then his first song of the night was in honor of our anniversary. We were the only people on the dance floor and I felt proud to be in my husband's arms. In fact, we were so busy congratulating ourselves all night that we almost broke our arms, patting ourselves on the back. We are a bit of an oddity in today's world being married for so long. In truth, we always say we have only really been married 20 years since Dave travelled 50% of our married life. Hah! Well, now we are together 24/7 and making up for lost time. The secret, should you ask??? To laugh, to love, to communicate, to experience adventures together, to respect each other, to commit to each other, to build your own life while still sharing your life together, to come together in times of need and to support each other always. And, it doesn't hurt to say, "I love you" every day.

This 'n That

Haven't written since June 30th, almost two months. My thoughts are scattered all over the place.

Had tons of company here at the shore and loved every minute of every visit. Tomorrow our friends from Massachusetts arrive just in time for the potential hurricane, Danny, to arrive. Hope they don't watch the news tonight or they won't enjoy the 6-hour drive anticipating storms and beach erosion. Oh well, we love to play cards and Dominoes together so we will find a way to enjoy ourselves. I'm serving crab cakes with roasted red pepper sauce, Jersey corn on the cob and a salad tomorrow...an easy shore dinner. We had lobsters at home when both of our children visited so we may do that again this weekend. On the other hand, one of our favorite restaurants is having a special with two 1-1/4 pound lobsters for $28. No cleanup involved so that may be the way to go if Danny doesn't get too violent and keep us at home.

Our friend across the street had a death in the family a few days ago. Remembering how much it meant to me to have cards and condolences to help me through when my mom passed, I immediately brought over a card and a homemade dessert. The dessert had peanut butter in it so I put a big sign on it with a warning about peanut butter as an allergy alert. Odd, how I never in a million years would have thought to do this until this year when our youngest grandson was diagnosed with a peanut allergy. Now, realizing that it can be a life-threatening allergy, I am so aware of the dangers of eating food that someone has prepared when they don't know about food allergies. A word to the wise if you are ever giving food to someone who has a peanut allergy: beware of cross contamination. All work surfaces and utensils need to be thoroughly cleaned because even a trace of the allergen can cause death. Scary stuff, indeed.

On to cheerier topics...I celebrated my birthday yesterday. A fairly big one, too. Unlike some people who get depressed or grouchy at each passing year, I enjoy making it to one more year. We ate at a fancy restaurant in Avalon with old friends. I enjoyed an appetizer of seared scallops followed by rack of lamb. Yum!
It's the one day of the year you can indulge in decadent, costly food and not feel one bit guilty. At least I didn't. Life is short and I'm trying to make the most of it. The other wonderful thing about a birthday is connecting with friends and family through cards and phone calls. Simple gestures, but so important. Instead of a New Year's resolution, I like to make birthday resolutions because I'm reminded that time is flying by. Friends and family are worthy of my time and attention and I resolve to take the time to keep them prominent in my life.

Would you Like a Little Cheese With That Whine?

Tonight we grilled chicken and tried our son's recipe for zucchini on the grill. It was perfect. Wrapped 3 zucchini and one yellow squash which we cut into one inch chunks, one thinly sliced onion, dried oregano and basil, garlic powder and a little salt in tightly wrapped tin foil. We made a flat rectangular package and squeezed out the air. I also drizzled a little olive oil and a half shot-glass full of water over the vegetables before wrapping. Dave cooked them on the grill next to our chicken for about 20 - 25 minutes. They were really, really good. Better than steamed which is the way I usually cook them. Clean up was easy, too.

Earlier today I smelled an extremely strong smell of gas so we called the gas company to come right over. He checked all of our appliances, furnace, hot water heater and the main gas valve. No leak. Our neighbor was painting her garage door shortly after he arrived. He got very alert and asked if I smelled that paint smell. I remarked that I did but that was not the same odor I had smelled earlier. My neighbor and I told him that she hadn't painted for about 5 days prior to now. This is interesting I think. He said, when you paint with oil-based paint the fumes mix with the gas fumes and produce an awful smell, worse than just natural gas. This happens even weeks or months later until the paint finally hardens and cures. I didn't believe or trust him at first because it seemed like an easy way out. Here she was painting and he decided that was the cause of the smell. After putting him through his paces, I had to finally admit that he was right and there was no gas leak after all. I really grilled him and said if we die tonight, it would be on his head. He said he has been doing this for twenty years and he would absolutely make sure that we were safe. He added that if we were to die because of a gas leak he didn't detect, he would go to jail. That convinced me that I should no longer worry about the smell. He turned on all the appliances and left. About an hour later I tried to dry a load of laundry in my gas dryer. Nothing but cold clothes. I called several numbers at the gas company and after 25 minutes of being on hold, the gas company person said we'd have to wait until tomorrow between 7:00 a.m. and noon for the person to return to turn on the gas on the dryer. 25 minutes of cell phone time wasted listening to their annoying messages!

We were on our way out to get Dave's beloved Corvette inspected when we smelled the gas smell. He left to meet his appointment and I stayed home to wait for the gas man to arrive. The car hasn't been on the road for two years and we decided to enjoy it while we were here so we insured it last week. Unfortunately, it failed inspection because the driver's seat had one inch too much of play in it. Dave was not a happy camper about this decision of the Motor Vehicle Division.

I'm mad at myself for sleeping in too late and didn't walk this morning because it was too hot. How can I justify eating that sundae tonight?

Oh well. What is life unless you are mad, frustrated, sad, or happy. None of these aggravations are a big deal in the scheme of things. I'm on a four-month vacation at the Jersey shore. A vacation from my vacation in Florida where I play golf and enjoy life. Perhaps I'm adjusting to having nothing to fuss about since I no longer have to deal with the administration at mom's place where she lived. There is a great deal of empty time here at the shore in-between guests. As I write this, I realize I am annoying even myself. Such whining! I need a visit to a nursing home to get myself back in the proper perspective. Life is good. I am healthy, the sun is shining again and I have a wonderful family and friends. My simple daily aggravations are no worse than the next person's and certainly nothing like I experienced when mom was in the nursing home. As you read this, I'm slapping myself around and you will not hear any more self-pity from me. Go forth and enjoy your life!!! That's for me and for you, too.

Things are Going my way

Tonight we will be eating bluefish and corn on the cob. I've been calling the local fish markets for days trying to get some bluefish and today I scored! It was only $1.50 per pound but that was with the bones. When the guy handed it over to me it felt like 6 pounds. I asked if the bones were in it as we wanted to grill it. He said, "Yes, I thought you were going to bake it." So, he filleted it for no extra charge and left the skin on as bluefish is rather delicate. I didn't bother to ask for a specific number of pounds of fish as he went to all that trouble for me. So, I think the two of us will consume a good 4 pounds of fish tonight. Wish some of you could join us at the Jersey shore eating freshly caught fish and corn on the cob. Granted, the corn isn't Jersey. It's just too early for that delight. Come late July I will be taunting you with the magnificence of our corn.

The sun has decided to play peek-a-boo with us. Out for a few hours and then cloudy but at least the rain has stopped. We are on-again-off-again with the blanket at night as the cooler temperature makes for great sleeping. My Florida friends are sweating and we are hoping it warms up for good by the July 4th weekend when we will have guests.

Amazingly, I'm still receiving sympathy cards...26 to date...not to mention the numerous e-mails and calls. The outpouring of support and caring has been heartwarming. I'm so grateful for everyone who took the time to tell me that they cared. We don't have to walk alone when we have family and friends to help us through the dark times of our lives. So, life is good. Mom is at peace, I have people who care about me, and I'm about to eat bluefish. It doesn't get much better than that.

Life Begins to Return to Normal

After many nights of eating out, tonight I finally cooked again. I tried a new recipe that I had found about a year ago in a library book called "Small Plates Appetizers as Meals". Unfortunately, I can't credit the author as I didn't write down her name but I can say that it was delicious. I made a few very minor changes as I always do. Can't help myself. Sometimes it just looks like it needs a little more garlic or something else. That is the creative part for me. Anyway, I've been sleeping a bit better since mom passed since I no longer worry about her health or happiness since she is in a better place. I'm getting my energy back. Thus, the cooking began again tonight. It has rained every single day since we arrived in New Jersey so Dave and I have entertained ourselves by going to either Home Depot or the grocery store. While at the fabulous Shop Rite grocery store today I saw the most beautiful Swiss Chard. It was time to try out this recipe. This one is titled:

Italian Sausages With White Beans and Swiss Chard.

2 Tbs. olive oil (EVOO)
4 to 5 sausage links - skin removed(Recipe called for regular sausage but I used turkey, two sweet and three hot but next time I will use all hot)

Beans:
2 Tbs. EVOO
1 large onion, sliced thin
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 cans cannellini beans, rinsed and drained
4 Roma tomatoes, small dice (I used 3 large Florida tomatoes which we had brought with us on our trip up)
1/4 fresh basil leaves, julienned
1 teaspoon kosher salt (I used large grain sea salt)
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Swiss Chard:
1 very large or two smaller bunches Swiss Chard, any color (small chop for the stems and large chop for the greens) - washed and drained
3 Tablespoons EVOO
1 cup low-sodium chicken broth (Swanson's)
1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes (make sure yours are still red and have not turned brown from age)
1/4 cup grated fresh Romano cheese (this is a great taste addition and most necessary to the recipe...don't skimp)

In oil, cook the sausages (I cut them into 4 or 5 sections each) over medium heat, covered, for about 5 minutes. Turn them over and cook 5 minutes more. Remove them from the pan. To the same pan add more oil and the onions. Cook a few minutes then add the garlic, beans, tomatoes, basil, salt and pepper. Simmer on low about 4 minutes, then add the sausage back in and cook 10 minutes more.

In another pan, heat more oil and add the small chop stems from the Swiss Chard. Cook several minutes. then add the greens, (a little at a time if necessary to fit your pan), the broth, crushed red pepper flakes, and salt. Cover and steam 5 minutes or so until wilted, stirring often. Don't overcook them.

Place the cooked chard and some juice on a plate and top with the beans and sausage mixture. Sprinkle grated fresh Romano cheese on top.

I guess by the title of the book that this is supposed to serve many people as an appetizer before a meal. We ate 2/3 of it as our entree. It was very, very delicious and had to be healthy with the beans, tomatoes, chard, turkey and olive oil. While Dave did the dishes (as always) he insisted I put this on my blog and add two stars on this dish in my recipe file. Granted, if you are picky or don't like beans or greens, you probably won't like this recipe. However, if you are like us, you will think it is a definite keeper. Hope you will try it soon. Oh, and I can't suggest often enough that you plant a basil plant in a sunny spot in your yard. So many recipes call for fresh basil and it is very easy to grow. It likes full sun and a lot of water. Fertilize once a week. Happy eating.

Thanks for Your Kindness

It's been five days since mom passed away. I'm beginning to get used to the idea. I'm unsure how I'll feel when I return to Florida after this four-month stay in New Jersey. Here, I am so far removed from the scene where my sister and I spent time with our mother on a daily basis that it seems almost surreal. The wonderful thing is how my friends and family have responded with so many phone calls and the wonder of instant e-mail. Not that I won't treasure a sympathy card if I get one...believe me, I will. That will be something I can touch and hold and know the sender spent time selecting and sending. But right now is when I'm hurting and e-mail is so now, so in the moment. At first I thought it seemed impersonal but then I realized that most of my friends have no idea where I am in New Jersey with no way to contact me. They reached out to me in the quickest way they could. It means so much to have friends and family surround you (even though not physically) when you are hurting. No matter whether it is a call, e-mail, card, or comment at the end of my blogs, the fact that anyone cares enough to connect is what matters most. My daughter has called daily to make sure I'm o.k. and to cheer me up with stories about my beloved grandchildren. Our son has text-messaged and called, my sister and brother call often to commiserate. My husband is my rock and most constant supporter who is always within reach for a pat or chat or hug or a source of distraction from my sadness. Each night he provides me with chocolate or tonight a java chip ice cream sundae with hot fudge and whipped cream. Comforting for sure. I could not have made it through these three years without my sister, Carolyn, who walked with me each step of the way. Together we formed a bond that no one can undo. We struggled with the administrators of the nursing home, we struggled with the nurses and cna's to try and get them to do the smallest of things necessary to mom's care. We cried together and we laughed together. The biggest of all thanks to my sister.

A big thank you to everyone who has expressed their concern. It really means more than you could imagine.

Really, I must stop feeling sorry for myself and my loss. I had my mother for 93-1/2 years... way longer than many people have their mother. And, we had a wonderful relationship. I can "always remember and never forget" not only that she loved me but also that she was a treasure to all who knew her.

We Say Good Bye to Mom

Today we lost mom. She passed away a little before noon after a very short episode of a breathing/oxygen problem probably due to her more recent lack of ability to swallow properly. She most likely aspirated something a few ago and it was finally too much for her body to handle. Granted, mom has been passing away a little at a time for several years now but the actual fact that she is gone is still too raw to think about. As you know if you are a reader, for three plus years my sister and I have been trying valiantly to keep mom alive yet comfortable and as happy as she can be with Alzheimer's disease. It was never our plan to keep her alive with tubes and artificial means. We stayed true to that plan and just maintained her health the best we could naturally. We always said to each other, "As long as she is alive, we will do our best to keep her comfortable and try to bring her some happiness in her remaining years."



The last few years have been very hard for mom yet she never complained and remained her so sweet self to the end. The interesting (to me) thing is that she never expressed a desire to die no matter how awful her life had become. At least it looked awful to anyone looking in from the outside. Apparently, the will to live is very, very strong and she persevered and fought to stay alive until her body finally could no longer do so.

Mom was a great talker before the Alzheimer's. She was the custodian of our family history and had stories for every member of the family. A great reader, she often would quote something she had read, saying, "I read an article..." and then would tell us all about it. Ironically, her preamble to a story would be, "I'll always remember", or "I'll never forget". Tragically, she could no longer remember anything and she did indeed forget everything about her prior life. At the beginning of the disease she could remember her past but not the immediate present. At the end she could remember nothing of her past or the present. It was as though she hadn't lived 93 and one-half years. She couldn't remember a single thing about what she had done, where she had gone, or who people were. Except for her family. We are fortunate that she always, always remembered her family, especially her beloved husband. So, while she was a dominant force in our lives, I guess we were an integral part of hers as this horrible disease could not erase us from her mind.



Mom was a very special person and the whole family will miss her greatly. She had a long and happy life with a wonderful marriage, three loving children and their spouses, five grandchildren, and ten great-grandchildren. Each family member has said what a great influence she had on their lives. She remained connected to every generation and was a great source of strength when it was most needed. She is finally at peace as we should be with the knowledge that she went gently to the other side. She suffered the loss of her memory and part of her essence with the disease that steals the mind. Through it all she was true to form...a wonderful, loving person, generous, kind and sweet. I'm proud of the person she was and honored to be her daughter. It was a privilege to help smooth the way for her on the bumpy road of Alzheimer's disease.

Tie Score

I purposely arrived a little later today to spend more time with mom after lunch rather than during. As I entered the dining room, I saw that the CNA was feeding mom and she was almost finished with her lunch. I had never seen this CNA before and asked her where mom's glasses were. She was surprised and said, she supposed in her room. I thought she said she didn't have mom today and didn't know her. I retrieved mom's glasses and while putting them on her face noticed her hearing aid wasn't in her ear. I said, "Her hearing aid isn't in her ear. Who is her CNA today?" She said she was. Apparently, I didn't hear her correctly the first time when she must have said that she had mom but didn't know her. I got the hearing aid from the nurse who had it locked in her medication cart and asked her if there wasn't a chart or something the new CNA's should be checking to see what their residents' requirements are. She tut-tutted and agreed that it is a sad state of affairs, and that she would mention it to somebody in charge that the CNA's should do a better job.

I decided to keep a tally of points regarding care. Minus two for the lack of glasses and hearing aid. Plus one because the chair alarm was turned on. I asked the CNA if mom's eyes had been shut during the whole meal. She said, "Yes, I think she needs to have a wet cloth put on them as they are stuck shut." Minus at least one point. Not only had she noticed it earlier, she didn't remedy it. She relayed how she mashed up the hard, tough vegetables and meat and made a softer, more moist meal for mom to eat. Plus one. I then noticed that the brand new small pillow I had purchased yesterday was missing. It was supposed to be behind her head. I asked the CNA and she immediately knew where it was. She had put it under the other two pillows which hold up mom's legs so she wouldn't slip down off the chair. One point for creativity. Much later, when she put mom in bed for her nap, she didn't brush mom's teeth with the new dentist-prescribed paste. Didn't even mention it but as she hadn't looked at the chart, she wouldn't know that. Minus 2 points because it is a key health issue. She made sure that mom's head was raised up because she had noticed that mom has trouble swallowing and sometimes coughs or gags. Plus two points because that is another key to her health. Adding them up made it a tie score. While I would like it to be 100% correct, it just isn't going to happen. It has been a hard realization but I have to give in at some point or drive myself crazy trying to make it perfect. Maybe my teeth grinding will cease if I let my perfectionism go.

In mom's room I put on some beautiful music. First I soaked her eyes to remove the stuck on stuff so she could open her eyes. Then I gave her a mini-facial with a skin exfoliate and moisturizer I had brought from home. Rubbed A&D ointment on her legs and feet and exercised her legs a little. I finished up with a good head rub and she was sleeping in her chair. When I bent to kiss and tell her goodbye she woke up and said she wanted to go with me. She was quite adamant so I told her I would stay awhile longer. Then the CNA came in and put her in bed for her nap. She was still awake so I had to soothe her to sleep with more head massage. Since I am going out of town in a few days for many weeks, it's becoming more difficult for me to leave mom. I know she will be in my sister's competent hands and she, like I, does the best she can. I just wish we didn't have to compensate for the lack of care from the CNA's and the details they overlook. In my perfect world, people would do things perfectly. Sigh.

Today I Fulfilled the Companion Role

I visited mom around 9:30 this morning but she was sound asleep in her chair. Woke up enough to greet me but really didn't want to wake up. I spoke with her nurse for about 15 minutes about the fact that mom isn't getting the restorative therapy she needs. She suggested I write a letter to the head of administration so I did just that. We'll see what happens next.

I returned at dinner time. Mom seemed to know that I was someone special in her life by the greeting she gave me. She often took my hand and gave it a kiss. I fed her dinner and tried to understand what she was occasionally saying, but to no avail. After dinner I gave her teeth a quick brushing before the official brushing, just to be sure the big amounts of food were gone. She resisted at first and then let me do what I wanted with her teeth. Mom said, "You are so good to me. Thank you." I said my usual, that she deserves good attention and that she gave me good care while I was growing up so I was just returning the favor. A few minutes later I stepped a few feet away to do something and I heard her calling in an extemely loud voice, "mother." I said, "Your mother isn't here, but I am. I'm your daughter and I'm here to be with you." I received the biggest smile I've seen in a long time. She said, "So, you are here to check on me." I reassured her that I was there to be sure she was o.k. She was tired and was eager to get to bed. The cna arrived and took over. I kissed her good bye, told her I loved her and left with a light footstep. She was about to be in her cozy bed and I had made sure she ate a good dinner. At this point, it did seem enough. At least for tonight.

Mom Loves Us

The following entry was written weeks ago but due to editing errors on my part, the publishing was delayed. I thought mom's comments were noteworthy and didn't want you to miss them so here they are now.

Fortunately, the antibiotics worked their magic and mom was cleared to rejoin society (if you can call it that)back upstairs in the nursing home. While mom was still in isolation for the MRSA (staff infection) in her eye, we shared an unusually chatty day when she actually made sense. I jotted down quick notes while there so I wouldn't forget the amazing comments. Some were amusing while others were poignant and made me weep.

I wore gloves for my protection which is good if you have an open wound on your hands. However, if you touch your own eyes, nose or mouth after touching the infected person, the gloves do no good. Each time I got emotional I wanted to wipe away my tears...but the gloves had the potential MRSA on them. I'd strip off the gloves, go the the bathroom sink, wash my hands and forearms, put on new gloves and return to mom's room.It was a never-ending cycle. I'd give mom a head rub and tell myself to keep my hands out of my eyes. Then my eyes would itch so I'd rub them with my forearm, push my hair out of my eyes with my forearm,and finally, give up and wash my hands and start over again with new gloves. Comb her hair - replace gloves. Wipe away her dripping eye gunk - replace gloves. Feed her lunch - new gloves. I was so spooked about getting MRSA that I almost washed my hands raw. At times I thought to myself, "I'm spending more time in the bathroom washing my hands than I am with her." However, we had such a good connection that day that it made all the scrubbing worthwhile.

Me: I think this is almost the same dinner as you had last night.
Mom laughing: Oh no, it wasn't good then!

Mom: It's so dirty.
Me: What is?
Mom: That man over there.
Me: I don't know what you are seeing, but there is only you and me here in the room.
Mom: Thank you.
It's nice to be able to comfort mom when she is confused or worrying about something. For all I know, she was trying to describe something other than a man and the wrong word came out. You just have to go with the flow and do the best you can to clarify her sentences and thoughts. She is always so appreciative and relieved when I guess right and she can let that worry go.

Mom: Am I stuck here tonight?
Me: Yes, I'm afraid so. You have a contagious eye infection that they don't want spread around so you have to stay in this room tonight. I'm sorry.
Mom: O.K., if you say so.
Here again I went with the flow by saying she would have to stay there tonight. I knew she would be stuck in that room for at least 10 days but that would be even more upsetting. I've learned that little white lies or lying by omission must be a forgivable sin when dealing with Alzheimer's.

Mom: I'm trying to be like you...sweet and nice.
Me: Oh, you are the sweet one. Everyone says so.

Mom: You don't have to do anything more for me. You do enough.
Me: I don't do that much. You have done so much for me and the family that I like to be here with you.

Mom: I have no memory. I can't talk to anyone.
Me: I'm sorry it is so hard for you. It's not fair.
This one definitely had me wiping my eyes. If you think of someone with Alzheimer's as a person who has a blank space in their head with no thoughts at all it's somehow easier to deal with their situation. It isn't as painful to be with your loved one if you can tell yourself they don't know what's going on. You can tell yourself, "Oh, she doesn't even know where she is or what day it is. She is living in la la land." The truth of the matter though, at least at this stage of the disease, is that mom does have thoughts and worries. There is a real thinking person inside of her. She just doesn't have the ability to articulate clearly what she is thinking. I was amazed that on this particular day she could tell me about her memory loss. I didn't have a good answer as to why she has this disease. I could only commiserate. It didn't seem enough.

Mom: I'm worried.
Me: What are you worried about?
Mom: I can't tell the people that I love them.
Me: The family?
Mom: Yes.
Me: I'll tell them tonight.
Mom: Oh, good. Thank you.
Sorry it took so long to relay mom's message of love to the family. Please pass it on to anyone who doesn't read this that mom loves them.

And, finally, when I opened the door to her room to let the sun shine in on her..
Mom: I'm so happy. This warmth..everyone should have this.
Me: It's wonderful. I'm glad you are happy.

Mom's glimpse into reality (or more accurately, her ability to use the correct words to express herself) was a mixed blessing for me. The truth of her comments, her realization that she had lost her memory, that she couldn't tell her family she loved them, and that she was stuck there was so sad for me to hear. I tried so hard to keep a smile on my face because I didn't want to add to her fear and discomfort. It wasn't easy. The hand washing, tear wiping, new gloves routine continued for the visit. But, the visit wasn't about me and how sad I was. It was a day to celebrate because she could express herself and I could understand, clarify, agree, explain, validate and actually converse with her. In a way, it was a day all of us can be grateful for as we "heard" her tell us of her love, one more time.

Hale and "Hearty" Fare

Today I had an echo cardiogram ordered by my new primary physician. The technician said my heart and valves look great which is just what I wanted to hear. Not that I was expecting anything to be wrong but sometimes doctors hear a very, very slight murmur but the tech didn't see it today. He said if they are slight, they come and go and are nothing to worry about. I kidded him and said, "Then I won't need to exercise anymore, right?" He laughed and said the doctor sure wouldn't be happy with him handing out that advice. I said, "They'd fire you in a heartbeat!" Pardon the pun. My son and husband love to exercise but I think up all kinds of excuses why I don't want to leave my air conditioned house to go and sweat. Besides, I do play lots and lots of golf and that is quite a bit of exercise since I take so many swings. Anyway, I try to eat healthy meals when I cook at home. Here is another favorite of ours to try when peppers are in season and not so costly. Using turkey lowers the fat content.


Recipe: TURKEY KIELBASA AND PEPPERS OVER BROWN RICE


Olive oil

1 large onion, chopped

1 large green bell pepper, sliced

1 large red bell pepper, sliced

1 tablespoon minced garlic

2 Oscar Mayer turkey Polska Kielbasa (14 ounces total), cut on diagonal

2 large or 4 small Roma tomatoes, large chop

1 heaping tablespoon dried oregano

black pepper to taste but go easy at first as sauce is spicy

8 fresh basil leaves, sliced

8 ounces tomato sauce

10 ounces Rotel Original (tomatoes and green chilies)



In heated oil, saute the onion, peppers and garlic about 10 minutes. Don't burn the garlic.
Add the kielbasa, fresh tomatoes and seasonings. Cook about 5 minutes more.

Add the can of tomato sauce and the can of Rotel. Simmer a few minutes, add the fresh basil, and serve over brown rice. I use Mahatma brown rice. One cup serves 4 people.



Note: the Rotel is quite spicy and probably should be substituted with another can of plain tomato sauce if you are feeding children or anyone who cannot tolerate spicy food. It won't be anywhere near as good, though.


I think this would serve 4 people as we two always have leftovers for lunch. Give it a try. Your heart will thank you.

Delicious and Healthy

Here is a healthy dinner that is cooked in one skillet so clean up is a breeze. Since we are just two, this makes more than we can eat in one sitting. Exactly what we love to have...leftovers for lunch which can quickly be warmed up in the microwave. This may sound similar to some of you but I have tweaked it just a bit.

Chicken and Cabbage

2 heaping teaspoons Dijon mustard
1 pound boneless, skinless chicken cut into large-bite-size pieces
Canola or Olive Oil
3 to 4 medium red potatoes, skin left on and cut into 16 pieces each
1 whole head of cabbage cut into several wedges (not too thick or the lid of your pan won't fit)
1 small bag of baby peeled carrots
1/2 teaspoon caraway seeds
black pepper
2 cans low-sodium chicken broth
Taste mid-way through cooking and add salt if necessary.

In a small bowl, completely coat the chicken with Dijon mustard.
Heat oil in a large saute pan and add the chicken and mustard. Saute for about 3 minutes. Place cabbage on top of chicken and sprinkle around the potatoes and carrots and caraway seeds. Season with black pepper. Pour two cans broth over all.

Cover and simmer for 45 or more, tossing the vegetables around in the broth part of the way through. Taste for salt..add some to your liking.

Serve in bowls with extra Dijon added individually at the table.

A Better Day

Today mom was out of bed and sitting in her wheelchair. The cna's did a good job of making her as comfortable as possible with pillows, soft heel protectors, and no knee abductor. I think they may be better at their job than the ones who work upstairs. The also were kind enough to tell me how they thought mom was doing, who fed her breakfast and lunch and how much she ate, the schedule for the antibiotic drops, etc. A nice change from the nurses station upstairs where I feel invisible.

I finally met mom's new primary physician. He wanted her medical background which I told him at length. He will order some lab work to see how she is doing overall. Then he went and studied mom's chart and history. I mentioned how we are concerned about getting mrsa ourselves, especially Carolyn since she has the challenged immune system. He said as long as we take the normal precautions of wearing gloves, washing our hands thoroughly and often, don't put our fingers in our eyes and don't kiss mom, we both should be fine. So I feel better. Now I won't have to ruin my clothes by washing them in hot water.

I played three cd's while visiting and chatting with mom. She really loves music. I brought in two gardenia's from our yard so we could enjoy their scent. Some days I search for things to talk about other than my golf game. I told her little snippets of conversations I've had recently with my kids, discussed the weather and finally said, "I wish I had something exciting to talk to you about." Mom said, "You don't need to do that, just be here with me." So, I sat next to her and let her hold my gloved hands until it was time for the transfer to her bed for a nap. Today was a satisfying day. Oh, and I got a 95 at golf so it was a really good day.

Enjoy Life's Pleasures While You Can

Today, Dave and I attended a neighborhood brunch planned by the social committee. For $8 each we had coffee, bagels, muffins, and the omelet of our choice. We met a few new people and reconnected with others we had not seen in a while. We played a few games and we laughed quite a bit.

Later, while waiting in line at the grocery store, I looked up and there was my sister right behind me in line. We chuckled and enjoyed the fact that after so many years of living in different states, we are now only a few miles apart and can run into each other at the grocery store. We went to the parking lot where Carolyn put her ice cream in her Styrofoam cooler (it was in the 80's today) and filled me in on her visit with mom. We commiserated with each other over the sad state of mom's condition. I can't imagine going through this caretaking-thing alone. To be able to share this experience with someone who is going through it with you is such a gift. While other family members and friends are concerned and caring, it's not the same as actually doing it with another person. We can validate each other's feelings and worries, and truly appreciate what the other has lived through.

The new (to us because of the room change) nurse had put the knee abductor between mom's legs while she was in the bed. We had stopped doing this after the visit to the surgeon several weeks ago but the records at the nursing home had not been changed. We commend the nurse for following the directions in the book, but are frustrated that the records had not been updated. Just the tip of the iceberg. The nurse said they were not going to get her up out of bed at all. Carolyn questioned if lying in bed for 10 days was a good idea, and especially thought the knee stabilizer should not be used if she is lying in bed all day and night. Mom has to be able to move a little! The nurse would check but that was it for any degree of satisfaction we were going to get with the nursing home today. Carolyn and I are both concerned about getting mrsa ourselves, especially since she has a challenged immune system and I cut my arm on mom's wheelchair the day before she was diagnosed. I've been trying to convince her to stay at home and I will do extra duty for a few days. She does more than enough in the summer when I am away.

On a brighter note, we are going up to Lakeland Wednesday to play golf with five other couples. They tell us it is hilly and has longer grass and is more like playing up north. Should be a great, if difficult golf, day. Thursday night we are going to Bradenton with friends for dinner and a play. There is always something fun going on here. In fact, one almost has to schedule a free night just to rest and recuperate.

Life is a series of ups and downs. Each and every one of us has challenges and trials to meet. It is finding pleasure, comfort, and joy in other people and activities that gets us through the tough times. I'm grateful that I live in Sun City Center which is filled with sunshine and other retired people who have similar interests. I'm grateful for friends who bring me laughter. I'm grateful for family who listen to and support me. I'm grateful for my mother for her cheerful attitude and loving nature. Every time I visit my mother she always, always, thanks me for coming to see her. She could, and should, be moaning and groaning about her fate but she just smiles and tries to show me her love and appreciation for spending time with her. We should all take a page out of her book. Cherish what you have while you still can: your health, your mobility, your mind, your ability to make your own decisions, your ability to speak and express yourself, your friendships, and your loved ones.

Alzheimer's Caregivers Reward Themselves

As you may or may not know, mom's hip surgery of two years ago had to be redone a few months ago. With more unbelievable stories and information than I could put to paper, I wrote nothing. The whole event from discovering the cause of her pain, to the inept primary doctor, to the bumbling surgeon, to moving her into a nursing home, had me undone. I just had so much to talk about I didn't know where to begin. So, tonight I am jumping in and beginning with today. The ugly but fascinating details of the last two months will have to wait until another time when I can put it all together in a cohesive fashion.

Today we learned that mom has MRSA in her only good eye. The have her on an aggressive treatment of antibiotic eye drops every single hour for 24 hours followed by every four hours thereafter. This will last for seven days and they will then take another culture to see if it is gone. In the meantime, we moved mom to yet another room at the nursing home. Her third room-change since leaving the hospital. This time to isolation. I can't tell you how sad it is to think of my mother all alone for at least 8 - 10 days with just an occasional visit or check-in by a cna several times a day. She will take lots of naps and they will come in to feed her meals and my sister and I will continue to visit for a few hours each day. Still, it's hard to imagine. Perhaps it will not be as bad for her as it would be for an active person. I have to tell myself this or I will never get to sleep tonight.

My sister, husband and I treated ourselves to an emotional-break-reward dinner out tonight at a Japanese/Korean restaurant. Delicious sushi and other dishes which I cannot spell. Yum!

An Inexpensive, Soothing Soup

While many of you are looking for news of mom and her recent hip surgery, tonight I am relaxing and writing about cooking. I tried three new recipes tonight and only one made the repeat list. This recipe is from a 1996 Bon Appetit. I told you I have thousands of recipes and I'm glad I saved this old magazine. It's called: Reduced Fat Potato Chowder. The reason I know it is good is my husband didn't try to liven it up with his usual hot sauce. He ate it just the way I served it. I must add, though, that his first bowl didn't have any parsley. The second did and he preferred it without. Here we go:

8 bacon slices, coarsely chopped
1 cup chopped onion
1 cup chopped celery
1 cup thinly sliced carrots
1 pound red-skinned potatoes, scrubbed, diced
2 cups canned low-salt chicken broth
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1-1/2 cups nonfat milk
1 10-1/2 ounce can condensed reduced-fat cream of celery soup
1/4 cup chopped parsley

Cook bacon in heavy large pot over medium heat until brown and crisp. Using slotted spoon, transfer bacon to paper towels and drain. Pour off and discard all but 1 tablespoon drippings from pot. Add onion, celery and carrots to pot. Saute until soft, about 10 minutes. Add potatoes, chicken broth and garlic powder. Cover pot and simmer soup until vegetables are tender, stirring occasionally, about 15 minutes. Add milk and condensed soup and simmer 5 minutes. Season soup to taste with salt and pepper. We think it will definitely need salt. Stir in parsley. Ladle soup into bowls; to with reserved bacon and serve.

When Dave added the parsley to his second bowl, he put it in cold on top of his soup. It would probably be good when added to the pot of warm soup as the directions state. Also, I think he used too much. Anyway, decide for yourselves. I think you will like this easy to prepare, comforting soup. Something I need right now while worrying about mom.

There for each Other

Last night we had Dick over for dinner. Carolyn and Kris joined us also. Weather was beautiful so we had a drink and shrimp cocktail out on the lanai. Dave grilled salmon and I made hash brown potatoes casserole, roasted sesame asparagus and a tossed salad. All very delicious if I say so myself. For dessert I made Magic Cookie Bars served with vanilla ice cream and coffee. Yum.



Dick arrived with a bottle of wine and a box of Debbie Meyer Green Bags as a hostess gift. He had been raving about the bags and how they kept his produce fresh. Since he lives alone, his fruits were spoiling before he could use them up. With the bags, no more spoilage. I'm testing two bananas and will let you know my approval rating in a few days. But then, who am I to argue with a two star general!



Dick, Carolyn, and I have so much in common that we can talk about Alzheimer's, his wife, our mother, and the other residents for hours. Because we go to the home daily, we get to know the other residents and their quirks and personalities too. Sometimes we get a good laugh about things we have observed. Or, we share stories about a difficult situation and commiserate with each other. We have our own little support group. This connection alleviates much of the stress of caregiving. I'm grateful to have Carolyn and Dick in my life and, of course, Dave and Kris who patiently listen on a daily basis to tales from the home.