Oh, Donna

Today when I arrive, mom is sitting in her lounge chair and the CNA is administering her pills. She has trouble swallowing so now the pills get crushed and hidden in ice cream. Mom has Alzheimer's but she is hard to trick. She finds the smallest bits of pills and spits them back out. Back in they go and back out they come. This goes on until the pill has dissolved or is too small to put back in her mouth. There was one pill which was too large for her to swallow so they switched her over to a liquid which tastes horrible. After a month of watching mom suffer, the nurse and I discussed changing the liquid Coalace to another brand which has no taste at all. The new prescription has arrived but the CNA is not only giving her the new tasteless medicine but also the Coalace. This has completely defeated the purpose of switching to the new medicine. I was trying to spare her from having to take the Coalace. The CNA calls a different nurse on the walkie-talkie and this nurse says, "If she isn't having any incidents (diarrhea), give her both." I will have to call the other nurse on the phone tomorrow to discuss this further. In the meantime, I have to watch mom struggle to swallow the vile-tasting stuff for one more day. My heart lurches as she gags and makes faces. Mom pleads, "Oh, please, do I have to take this?" Once my sister watched as mom coughed and choked, gasping for air. Sis wondered if she should do the Heimlich maneuver, or wait to see what would happen next. Mom had signed a DNR order but Sis certainly did not want to watch as mom breathed her last in such a disturbing way. We have agreed that mom is miserable but the end should be peaceful, not choking to death over a nasty-tasting stool softener. Where is the dignity in that? Fortunately, mom recovered that day and Sis did not have to determine mom's fate.

Generally, I am in awe of the CNAs as most are very patient although some are definitely better than others. There is one who is clearly unhappy in her job and doesn't mind sharing that information with me. She wants to move back north, hates the heat, hates the way the home is run, hates most of everything. I don't like that she talks about mom and the other residents in front of them. It's as if they aren't there and she can insult them all she wants. There are times when a person with Alzheimer's is completely spaced out but there are also times when they are alert and comprehending. One would think the CNA would know better than to talk this way. It's her way of venting and, so she thinks, connecting with the family members when she relates the horrible things that go on or the strange things mom says. Obviously, she hasn't been trained in sensitivity as she upsets me and sometimes, mom. I hesitate to say anything to her or to report her to the supervisor as I know she is quitting in May. It's awful, but I'm afraid to complain because I don't want her to take it out on mom when we are not there. She isn't an evil person, just not appropriate for this job. Fortunately, I haven't seen her lately so maybe she is already gone.

And then there's Donna. This CNA is wonderful. She has such a calming effect on all of the residents. Her voice is pleasant with a little southern accent. She gets results from mom that no other aide can get. She gives mom notice of what she is about to do such as, "Janet, you need to stand up now. Grab the bar." Mom replies, "I'll try." Donna says, "I know you can do it. Put your hand on the bar. Now the other one." Amazingly, mom does it. When the other aides try to get her to stand up, they can't do it by themselves. It takes two of them and even then they have trouble. They don't have Donna's technique and they begin pulling on mom's arms which makes mom resistant. Mom says, "Ow, ow. Stop doing that!" Then they toss her on the toilet or chair or wherever they want her to be. Not that they physically hurt her, but she gets frightened and tenses up so they have to move her more deliberately. Their patience is gone, mom is upset and, if I'm there, I'm upset. I long for the days when Donna is on duty and taking care of mom. Donna soothes not only mom, but me. She reassures me that she will make mom comfortable, that she will stay with her until she is calm and so on. Donna truly cares about the residents and loves taking care of them. Unfortunately, they only make $6.00 an hour and many of the aides don't go the extra mile. Most of them are good, but they're not Donna.