She Really Does Love Music

After months without an activities director and nothing going on in the way of entertainment or stimulation, finally there was some action. Marie, the newly-hired activities director, and I had several long conversations last week. She wanted my input as to what was needed by the residents, and especially wanted to know all about mom. I mentioned mom's failing eyesight and mental capacities and emphasized that music was the key to making her happy. One evening she borrowed mom's small cd player and we put it in the dining room with soft piano music during dinner. It was so much better than the blaring radio that was usually on that some of the residents even mentioned how nice the music was. Marie and I were definitely on the same wavelength, so to speak, and I was bonding with the person who could make mom's life happier.

A few days later, Marie said there had been a music program across the street and she wondered if mom would have enjoyed it. "Absolutely, yes, she would have loved it." I was silently wondering what was wrong with this woman. Hadn't we just spent days discussing mom's love of music? Why hadn't they taken her over for the music? She admitted to being a little confused about the various residents and a little overwhelmed with all of the details of her new job. She said the aides didn't think mom was in any shape to go over to the music that day so they didn't take her. I agreed that there may be days when mom is anxious but music would always be a perfect activity for her. Properly corrected, Marie said she would make sure mom always went to any music activity in the future.

Today I was greeted at the door by the aide of the "home" who informed me of a music show at the other building beginning in 15 minutes. Happy for an opportunity to give mom some music, I raced up to mom's room only to find her asleep. I decided to let her sleep awhile longer as it's best to arrive when the show is already in progress. She doesn't do well in crowds if she has to wait for the entertainment to begin. The aide and I had a hard time waking mom up from her deep sleep. However, she brightened when I told her we were going to hear some music. "I'll go wherever you take me as long as you are there," she said. We bundled her up in her shawl and lap blanket and made our way to the other building. I could tell, though, that mom just wasn't feeling well. She had trouble focusing, wouldn't really look at me or even open her eyes very much. She was anxious and repeating her usual "Oh no, no, no" every few seconds. I stopped twice and told her we didn't have to go to the music if she didn't want to. It was a Kazoo Band so it might be a little odd-sounding. She thought any music would be nice so we continued. Marie was there to greet us and said she had saved a place in the front row for mom but there wasn't room enough for me to be next to her. I could sit behind her or we could possibly squeeze in on the side of the room right next to the kazoo players. That, obviously, was not going to work. My big idea of getting there while the show was in progress was a mistake. Mom was quite vocal at that point and I don't mean singing. She could easily have disrupted the show; especially if we had to maneuver the wheelchair and move other chairs around while her moaning and "oh no-ing" continued. I finally decided we would stay in the hallway away from everyone and just listen to the music from there.


Now Marie was looking at me like I was crazy. Here I had gone on and on about music soothing mom and she was as far removed from calm as the moon. I don't mind being mom's advocate but I wish she would cooperate. It would make it easier for me to prove my point if she had been smiling and singing along with the music. My credibility may be ruined. On the way out of the building, Jan, the home's sales manager, stopped and greeted mom. She was enthusiastically bragging about the music show but then noticed mom was almost asleep in her chair. Jan joked, "Janet, did the music put you to sleep?" Mom laughed and said, "That music would put anyone to sleep!"