A Moment in Time

A recent bright spot was a visit from our kids and grandchildren. The weather cooperated and the Michiganders loved going outside without an ice pick or snow shovel in hand. We loved singing lullabies and playing hide and seek with our 5-month and 3-1/2-year-old grandchildren. Our son enjoyed playing with his nephews and we enjoyed having our whole family together.

Our daughter brought her kids to visit mom at the home. I arrived early to get her g'ma (as she refers to her in print) outside on the patio. She whisked the children quickly through the hallway and outside to avoid catching any illnesses from the residents. Due to a pregnancy and travel restrictions, she had not seen her grandmother for over a year. Unfortunately, mom was not at her best that day. Although our daughter kept in contact with mom on the phone, seeing her in person really brought home how much her grandmother had slipped. She could not stop a few tears from falling. We shared a "Kleenex moment" together at the sadness of it all. Her young sons were there and we didn't want to alarm them, so we got ourselves together and put on a brave face. The oldest child showed his toys to "GiGi" and gave her some great smiles. Mom actually held the baby and seemed momentarily happy and responded to both of the children, and of course, to her dear granddaughter. We took some great photos to record the day in our family history. Now our grandchildren can look at the photos and remember that they once met and spent time with their great-grandmother, GiGi.

No "Easy" Button to Push

Today has been a day of frustration. I've just spent 30 minutes trying to change the editing capabilities on my blog. The computer is user-friendly but only for those who know what they are doing. While many things in life are so easy we don't even notice, the challenging things can upset your whole day if you let them. The secret is, you can't let anything or anyone get to you. If only we knew how to do that.

This morning it was a cool 55 degrees and the sun had not yet come up when my golfing partner picked me up. My friend and I bantered back and forth about how crazy we were to leave warm beds to go out and beat ourselves up on the golf course. Neither of us played particularly well, but had enough good shots to make us want to play again tomorrow. Following golf our foursome went inside the clubhouse for a quick cup of soup. Unfortunately, the soup was too salty and had to be exchanged for something else. However, in the scheme of things, it wasn't a big deal. After all, we had just played 18 holes of golf in a beautiful setting, the weather did finally warm up, and we were not slaving at some dead-end job or at home dusting. Following lunch I went over to the home to visit mom.

Mom was not in very good shape. She was anxious and unhappy. I couldn't determine exactly what was bothering her but I sure did try to figure it out. Anyway, the aide said there was going to be a music event downstairs and suggested I take mom down for it. When we arrived, there were chairs set up but no action. We were informed it would not start for another 45 minutes. We went outside to get some sun but mom was too hot and it was too bright (we didn't have her sunglasses with us). It seemed no matter what I did, she wasn't happy. After much fussing and complaining we went back inside. I decided she needed a nap so I got the aide to help me get her into her lounge chair and off she drifted into a beautiful sleep. I amused myself for 45 minutes by writing in our journal and reporting to the aides that I had witnessed a roach the other day. They said the exterminator comes every month and were pretty non-plussed about it. Not a very satisfying response but then again, this is Florida where the bugs rule so one can't expect them to be alarmed. When it was time for the music show I woke mom up and told her we were going down for some music. This always makes her happy so she obliged by getting into her wheelchair without much fuss.

An hour later, there was still no music. The aides didn't know what was going on. Meanwhile, mom was very anxious and unhappy. I figured out she needed toileting. All of the aides were having a monthly meeting in the other room so I grabbed one and she and I helped mom to the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later she managed to relieve herself of her problem. The aide confided she had just found out that the musician had informed the office a month ago that he couldn't make the scheduled visit. Why then did no one inform the aides? They had gathered all of the residents together (which is no easy chore) and given them false hope of music entertainment. The aide and I were both frustrated at the lack of communication between administration and the workers. The temporary activities person started up a game of beach ball toss to bide the time away until the meeting was over. Mom and I "joined in" but she basically just sat there with an occasional bop to the ball. Finally, I had to leave to go to the hairdresser. Mom said, "I wish you didn't have to go".

Add a little guilt onto an already frustrating afternoon and I was toast... practically fell asleep in the chair while getting my hair cut. The good news of the day was my hairdresser is leaving for a shop in another town. I never liked the way she cut my hair and am relieved I can start over with someone new. That was one frustration I will no longer have. If I can just change the rest of the world and how it is run, frustration will be a thing of the past.

No Ladder High Enough

Visited mom later in the day, around 4:00. She was not in good shape. Very agitated, lots of "Oh no", "Dear Lord", "Oh God", almost constantly. I tried my best to change the subject, to get her to relax with a back massage, and to distract her with pleasant conversation. Nothing really worked. She was worried and could not settle down and relax. She fed herself part of the meal but only a spoonful before I had to remind her where her spoon or fork was and to pick it up and put it in her mouth. I did spoon-feed her quite a bit of the meal but I fear that she will forget how to hold the utensil and don't want to take away her independence so I keep working with her.

When I am back home, I realize that I am trying to climb a wall that keeps getting higher and higher. As long as mom is alive, I want her to have some happiness, some joy or meaning to however many days or years she has left. As long as I am making some progress, either through improving her living conditions by complaining to the authorities at the home or taking her out for a chocolate shake, I can feel some accomplishment...some sense of helping. On days like today when I am helpless to relieve her suffering, I am defeated.

When I left today, I was talking with Pat, one of the aides. I was feeling down and said, "Mom is not very good today". She agreed and said, "Well, at least you know she is safe and that she is comfortable". Perhaps I need a mental adjustment. Alzheimer's is a progressive disease. It is logical that mom will have bad days; and as time goes by, more bad than good days. There may be days when I can help her. There may be days when I cannot. As a caregiver, I need to think about what Pat told me. She said, "You and your sister are here". "You and your sister do a lot for your mom". "You and your sister show up". "A lot of people never come and visit their loved ones". "She's safe and comfortable and you are doing all you can".

I can fight Alzheimer's but I can't win. I need to acknowledge this and convince myself of this so I have the strength to be there for her for another day.

Too Good to Forget

As mentioned before, I've been unhappy with the enrichment programs at the home where mom lives. I placed my call to the "powers that be" and received a return call explaining that they are in transition due to the two open positions, etc. More programs and borrowed personnel from another site were going to help out. While I noticed an increase in the daily pep, or exercise program, there really wasn't much of anything else added.

I had told mom that I would take her out for a ride in the car again soon, perhaps to get a strawberry shortcake. She was delighted at the prospect. Yesterday I called to be sure that mom wasn't being otherwise entertained so I could take her for the proposed ride. Cindy mentioned that there may be tram rides as it was on the calendar and one of the borrowed personnel had learned how to drive the tram. Mom loves the tram rides, almost more than she loves her children. I wasn't about to interfere with a potential tram ride so I postponed the strawberry shortcake trip and went over later in the day instead. I arrived at dinner time and spoke with several of the aides who reported no tram rides. In fact, no afternoon activity at all. I felt like I had really let mom down. Mind you, she certainly did not remember that I had discussed a car ride with a strawberry shortcake attached. She didn't even remember that I had been there the day before. In fact, she often doesn't even remember that we are right there, sitting by her side. Nevertheless, I felt an obligation and a duty to try to give her a little happiness. I was certainly disappointed in the system and a little disappointed in myself for believing that there would be a tram ride. How naive I was. A sad song on the radio had me in tears on the car ride home. My husband noticed and thought it was from my ever-lasting cold (which probably had put me in a delicate emotional condition). A hug and a good stiff cocktail put me back on track for the evening.

Strawberry season doesn't last forever and Goodson's Farm serves up some fabulous strawberry shortcake with optional ice cream or whipped cream. The home has a bus trip to the farm once a season but mom is never allowed to go because she is in the wheelchair. The injustice of it all really gets to me. More determined than ever I went directly to mom's today. I didn't bother to call for false information about other activities. I just went. Unfortunately for me my timing was off as mom was having a lovely nap when I arrived. She had been asleep for about 20 minutes according to the aide. I sat opposite her while writing in our journal, waiting for a decent amount of time to go by before waking her up. Finally I woke her up as I was afraid the farm would close before we got there. She was drowsy but happy to see me. The aide helped me transfer her to the toilet first so our ride wouldn't be interrupted. Another aide helped me transfer her to the car and off we went in search of a strawberry shortcake.

Mom said, "It's something every body thinks is the best thing there is." She was happy and eager for the promised treat. We enjoyed the country scenery, listened to that old Mitch Miller tape and sang along for the hundredth time. I brought the two enormous strawberry shortcake sundaes back to the car for us to eat. It was too windy outside and I had not brought along the wheelchair so the car was our dining area. It wasn't easy for one person to handle two huge sundaes but I did it. The wind blew away the straws for our water and almost tipped over the tray. It was quite a struggle against mother nature but I persevered. Not only did I want mom to enjoy her shortcake, I had missed my lunch so I was hungry for my sundae. I actually spoon fed her the whole thing because she just couldn't handle holding the paper bowl and spooning it in. It didn't matter. She loved it. "Delicious" , "Wonderful" ,"So good" were some of her comments. It is rewarding to make her happy, even if for a very short time. She tired quickly on the way home and made quite a few of her usual "Oh No" comments. I quickly reminded her over and over of the wonderful strawberry shortcake we had just consumed. Each time she heard the words she calmed down and told me how delicious it was. I wanted her to remember it, at least for a little while.

Another Winner Recipe

Low Fat Chicken Enchiladas
6 Large flour tortillas
1 Tablespoon butter
½ (or more) cup chopped onion
2 large cloves garlic, minced
1 4-oz. can green chilies, chopped, drained a little
½ cup non-fat sour cream
1 10-oz can reduced fat cream of chicken soup
2 cups (or 2 medium-size chicken breasts) cooked chicken, cubed
1 cup (plus a little more) reduced fat sharp cheddar cheese
¼ cup skim milk

Additional items to be added at the table:
Cubes of avocado, fresh, chopped cilantro, salsa, additional sour cream, and minced fresh jalapenos (if desired).

You will be reserving some of the sauce and cheese for later use.
Preheat oven to 350.

In a non-stick skillet, heat butter and saute onion and garlic. Add chilies, sour cream and soup. Mix together. Take out ¾ cup of mixture and set aside for later use.

Add the chicken and ½ cup of the cheese to the pan.
Meanwhile, warm the tortillas for a minute or less in the hot oven on a cookie sheet.

Put one/sixth of the mixture on each tortilla. Put the mixture on the end of the tortilla closest to you and roll it up. Place seam side down in an ungreased 9 x 13 dish, placing the tortillas vertically on the short side of the dish, side by side.

In a separate bowl, take the reserved ¾ cup of sauce and add the ¼ cup skim milk to it, stirring well.
Spoon the sauce over the tortillas.

Top with cheese.
Bake, uncovered, 25 to 30 minutes. Serve with cubed avacodo, salsa, sour cream, cilantro and minced jalapenos.

And Old Recipe

While sifting through my collection of recipes, I came upon this oldie but goodie. Haven't made it in at least 15 years but I remember it being really, really good.

Parmesan Chicken

1/4 cup fine dry bread crumbs
5 Tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 teaspoon dried oregano leaves, crushed
Dash garlic powder
Dash black pepper
2 Pounds of chicken parts (now I would use all breasts) - I believe this is chicken on the bone with skin
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1/2 cup milk
paprika

Combine crumbs, 2 tablespoons of the Parmesan cheese, oregano, garlic and pepper. Roll chickekn in mixture. Arrange in a 2-quart shallow dish 12 x 8 or similar size.

Bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes.
Turn chicken over and bake an additional 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, blend soup and milk; pour over chicken. Sprinkle witih paprika and remaining Parmesan cheese.

Bake 20 minutes more or until done. Arrange chicken on a platter. Stir sauce and pour over chicken.

Serves 4