Happy 93rd Birthday December 17th

Applauding and singing happy birthday. Note the single candle. 93 candles would have melted her favorite ice cream.

Dave is our hero. Mom has no muscle in her legs or arms and it is so difficult to lift her out of the car and into her wheelchair. In spite of his painful sciatica, Dave rushed in to rescue mom as Carolyn and I were attempting to transfer her and almost dropped her on the driveway. He sacrificed his back for his mother-in-law. That's saying something.

Kris giving mom a birthday hug. Carolyn helping mom sign her name to the Christmas gift cards she gives to us. Although she struggles to write the words, we think it makes her feel like she is still part of the giving process. Her handwriting has deteriorated into bizarre hieroglyphics. We have dated the cards and save them for the future to compare her writing from prior years. It's sad to see the decline but it demonstrates to other family members who don't see her very often exactly where she is in this disease. Mom can still enjoy a good laugh. Although it may look like she is sad, this is the way she looks now when she is laughing with corners of her mouth turned down. Betty, the wonder dog. Everybody loves Betty, especially mom. It was part of our birthday surprise to bring the dog over from Carolyn and Kris's house to join in on the fun. "I can help you unwrap that package," says Betty
"Are there any biscuits in there?"

Betty says, "I'll just have a sip of that wine, put on the glasses and then I can help grandma read her birthday cards."

I guess when you are 93 years old, you get tired no matter how much you are enjoying the singing. We wore her out and that's the sign of a great birthday party.

Happy Birthday Mom. We love you.

Lines to Remember

Yesterday I had mom laughing about something and she said, "I love your personality." I told her, "Thank you. I got it from my mom." Then she said, "Oh, is your mother still alive?" I leaned in close to her, took a good look, and said, "Well, you are my mom and you look pretty much alive to me!" She roared with laughter. Lately she has been coming up with the funniest things.

Carolyn asked her if she would like dessert. Mom said, "When you hear me say I don't, you'll know it's all over for me." Carolyn said, "Yep, all gone, over." She laughed heartily.

Tonight she asked me for a kiss. I obliged. Then I kissed her again. And again. When I asked her if she would like another one, she laughed and replied, "Oh no, you'll wear it out!"

I Took it all for Granted

Blimey! It's cold out today but the weather was Florida-perfect when our friends from the U.K. visited us recently. Carole never needed her jumper as the temperature was in the low 80's. The first portion of the week we needed an interpreter but eventually caught on to what they were saying. Every day Trevor put on his trainers and headed over to the gym to exercise and use the steam room. I had never been in the steam room before so Carole and I tried it out. It was so relaxing and cleared out our sinuses. I wondered why I had never before utilized it. Sometimes you have to see something through another person's eyes to appreciate it. The whole week was an eye-opener.



We rarely go to the beach here in Florida as we spend the summer at the beach in New Jersey. Our friends wanted beach, beach and more beach so we were happy to accommodate them. After two days at Anna Maria beach, two days at St. Pete beach, and a day at Fort De Soto beach, Trevor said our beaches were brilliant. He was right. The sand was soft, the surf gentle, and the beaches were free. In New Jersey they sell beach tags for $5 per person per day. We witnessed preparations for a wedding at one beach and pelicans diving for their food at another. Twice we had lunch on top of the roof overlooking the gulf at The Hurricane restaurant in St. Pete. We couldn't stay away from the Star Fish Company located on a working fish dock near the beach at Anna Maria. The picnic tables on the dock with birds and boats all around made for a very relaxing atmosphere. The seafood could not have been fresher. We felt like we were on vacation, too.



When feeling peckish, we ate Buffalo chicken wings, Cuban sandwiches, grouper sandwiches, fried shrimp, shrimp cocktail, seafood salad, fish chowder and more grouper sandwiches. That was just lunch. We indulged ourselves with some good dinners and celebrated Carole's birthday at my favorite Thai restaurant. We laughed as a server at a sub sandwich place tried to translate Carole's request for a tomaahto into a tomato.



We took two days off from the beach and shopped at the local mall and the outlet shops. Our friends got more bang for their buck here and purchased so many things that their luggage was bulging on their return trip. Carole had a big thrill at the supermarket when she purchased a large quantity of zip-lock baggies as they are unavailable over there. Who knew baggies could bring such happiness? Just one more thing I have been taking for granted.



After long days of sun or shopping, our U.K. friends were knackered. Out to the lanai they would go to snooze or read on the lounge chairs. They just couldn't get enough of the Florida sun and beautiful weather.



Each night we enjoyed cocktails outside on our lanai. Dave made Manhattans, Green Appletinis and Cosmopolitans. Trevor always toasted us with cheers my dears. Dave and I rarely sit outside to enjoy a sunset and drink before dinner but our guests opened our eyes to another pleasure found right here at home.



After they returned to the U.K., I received a note thanking us for their visit. Carole said it was their best vacation of the year. I was thinking, don't be daft! They had toured Egypt and Greece earlier in the year and Florida was their best trip? Perhaps, at the end of the day, it may be the simple things that make life enjoyable...things such as exercise, tasty food, shopping for bargains, beautiful beaches, relaxing around a pool, sunsets, good friends, and baggies.

Pictures Help Tell the Story

Trevor in the Gulf of Mexico in November. Water temperature around 64 degrees. Brrr.

Diving Pelicans Fort De Soto Beach St. Pete Beach Enjoying the beautiful day waiting for lunch. Perfect shot. bird watching View from the dock. Carole, Nancy and Dave at the Star Fish Company. View from the roof of the Hurricane Restaurant. What a great place to take guests.Carole and Trevor on the roof. The gulf at St. Pete beach in the background. Enjoying our Mohito drink and delicious lunch. A candid shot - both have our mouths full. After lunch on the roof. The Hurricane restaurantResting after a hard day of relaxing. Cocktails on the lanai.

A wonderful week of fun with our friends.

This Recipe Will Warm you up

Time for a new recipe.



Chicken Barley Chili



2 boneless chicken breasts, sprinkled with McCormick's Grill Mates Montreal Chicken seasoning sauteed in a little olive oil until cooked through. Then set aside, let rest and finally chop into small pieces.



Olive Oil

1 Onion, chopped

1 Green Bell Pepper, chopped

1 teaspoon garlic, chopped (about 2 cloves)

Two (14.5 oz) cans tomatoes with jalapenos (I used Del Monte Petite Cut Diced Tomatoes with Zesty Jalapenos)

One (16 oz) jar hot salsa

Two (14.5 oz) cans Swanson's fat free low-sodium chicken broth

One cup Quaker Quick Barley

2 teaspoons ground cumin

1 Tablespoon Chili powder (I used 2 teaspoons of Chipotle Chili Pepper and 1 teaspoon regular chili powder) ** Note..the chipotle chili pepper seasoning gives it a smoky taste. If you don't like that, use plain chili powder. However, the chipotle gives it a great depth of flavor.



2 cans black beans, rinsed and drained

1-1/2 cups frozen corn



avocado chunks

cilantro

sour cream

fresh chopped jalapeno (optional)



In a saute pan, cook the chicken with the seasonings in a little olive oil about 7 minutes until cooked through. Set aside. Let rest and then cut into very small pieces (thumbnail size).



In a large pot heat a little olive oil, add the onion, green pepper, garlic and cook for a few minutes. Add the next ingredients up to (but not including the black beans etc.) Over high heat, bring to a boil, cover and reduce heat to low. Simmer 20 minutes stirring occasionally. Add the beans, corn and chicken, increase heat to high until chili comes to a boil. Cover and reduce heat to low. Simmer for another 5 minutes, or until barley is tender. If, upon standing the chili becomes too thick, add more chicken broth or water (although I did not find this necessary).



Ladle chili into bowls. Top with chopped fresh cilantro, optional chopped fresh jalapeno, and low-fat sour cream.



This is very zippy and spicy. If you want to cut back on the spice, you can use plain chopped tomatoes without the jalapenos and/or use a medium salsa rather than hot. I loved the way it is presented here and cooled it off using additional sour cream. My husband added the fresh jalapenos as he likes to sweat while eating spicy foods. If you are serving this to children, you would definitely want to tone down the heat.



The avocado is a really nice touch and is extremely nutritious. It is a great source of folacin and is high in potassium and fiber. It contains carotenoids and vitamin E which appear to work together to battle prostate cancer cells. It helps your body make better use of antioxidants.

The black beans are an excellent source of B vitamins, including folacin as well as iron, phosphorus, potassium and zinc. They are high in fiber and are a low-cal, low-fat vegetable protein.



This makes a large amount of chili. Especially if you add a green salad, this will go a long, long way. Prepare to eat this for lunch for a few days following. Yum!

More Comments From Mom

Immediately following the election I told mom we had a new president. At that time, she was uninterested and unresponsive to my comment. I tried again last week and got very different results. I said, "We have elected a new president and his name is Barack Obama." Mom said, "Whaaaaaaaat?" "What kind of a name is that?" "Spell it." I then told her that he is black. "How did that happen?", she responded. I told her that a lot of black people who have never voted before voted for him and also that people wanted a change from the current administration. I added as long as he does a good job it may be a good thing to have a black president because it will help unite the country. I explained that his father was black and his mother was white. Mom said, "We should like them both." I didn't get the feeling that she was either for or against the idea of a black president. Rather, at 93 it was probably something she thought would never happen in her lifetime.

We discussed the upcoming Thanksgiving dinner and listed her various favorites. To creamed onions she loudly declared, "Love them!" So, they will have to be on the menu for sure.

A few other random comments from mom last week:

I told her I gained weight when our company was here. She said, "I'm glad you had plenty to eat."

Regarding a football game we attended: "I haven't been to one in a hundred years. I used to enjoy that."

She told me she was cold and I said I'd make her warm. Then she burst our laughing and said, "Don't burn the place down!"

I asked if she wanted a chocolate and she said, "That's a foolish question."

Today while I was trying to get her to do some physical therapy exercises she was getting tired. She paused for a while and I suggested she get moving. She said, "I'm just taking life easy." And so she should.

Different Degrees of Healthy

It appears fraud is running rampant in Hospice. At least that's what the counselor indicated as she dismissed mom from the program for being too healthy. At almost 93 and with advanced Alzheimer's I would hardly consider her healthy. Granted, mom has gained three pounds and now weighs 103 but since she is 5', 10" tall, that doesn't seem like much to me. She is also "stable." Stable in Hospice language means she isn't declining at the rate they require. Her legs are like jello which is definitely a decline but apparently not the type of decline to which they refer. My sister and I decided to not fight Hospice on this issue as only 3% of the cases which challenge the system are allowed to remain in the program. I guess we are too worn out to do battle right now. We all know she will eventually show a decline again and will re-enter the Hospice program then. In the meantime, we have to pay an additional $60 per month for the overnight diapers and unlimited wipes. The Care Associates (aides) have to try and shower her and call in Home Health Care to dress any skin wounds as they appear. We love Hospice and the wonderful care they gave mom. So, while we are in a hurry to get mom back under their care, that would mean we would be closer to losing her and I'm not ready for that. The upside is she is "officially" no worse. I have to admit she has many moments of clarity and seems happier and less worried than before. It could be she has moved on to the next stage of Alzheimer's and is less aware of things that used to bother her. Also her medications have not changed for many, many months so we have found a good combination at last.

Some of the comments she has made in the past few weeks:

"I want everyone to know about this place because it is so nice. I love it here."

"I don't want any more responsibility. I just want to be comfortable and warm." To which I asked, "Are you warm now?" "No", she said. So I put another blanket on her.

"I want to go home."

"I'm confused about something."

"I had a good husband."

"Why are you so kind to me?"

"I'll never forget Dave."

"Where is my bed? I've never seen it."

"Isn't she (Betty the dog) the best ever?"

"I'm terribly worried."

While telling her stories about her great-grandson, Benjamin, she said, "Isn't he just adorable!"

After a story about her granddaughter, Lindsay, she said, "She is a good mother."

I told her about her grandson, Matt's new job. She said, "How wonderful. What does he do there?" Then I had to try and explain about computers and a job-board similar to Monster and could tell she was lost. Finally, I said, "He is in sales just like your father used to be and he is as good as your father." She was delighted and said, "Well, then he will be successful."

I told her my husband and I were going out dancing one night. She said, "It sounds like fun but I don't think I'm up to it anymore."

I purchased new slipper/boots for her that are warm and fuzzy...similar to after-ski boots but soft. After putting them on her feet, she said, "I bet all of the other people will be jealous."

Mom still enjoys food and often says how delicious her meal is. She also is known to say she hasn't had lunch about 5 minutes after eating it.

Often when I am talking with a Care Associate, I don't think mom is listening or paying attention to the conversation. However, upon my return from vacation I was telling the new C.A. that Carolyn is my sister. Mom bursts in with, "Carolyn? My daughter, Carolyn?" This was particularly amazing to me because I haven't heard mom use either of our names for months.

If mom initiates the sentence, it is either gibberish or we are left hanging waiting to hear the rest of the sentence that never comes. I do my best to try and complete her thoughts as she is clearly trying to communicate something, I just don't know what. Sometimes I can figure it out but usually not. Then it's time to reassure her that everything is o.k. and that she is safe.

I visit mom to try and give her some companionship and happiness, but most days she manages to make me either smile or laugh out loud. They say laughter is the best medicine. Maybe that's why mom is doing so well. Her wonderful sense of humor is still here and it's fun to share a laugh with her, especially since I never know if it will be the last one.

Spending Money to Save Money

One of my largest expenses is groceries. I love to cook (and eat) and normally will spend whatever it takes to make the finest meals. Now that the economy is in the toilet, I've been doing my best to conserve our money. I've been trying out the store brands of canned beans, tomatoes, pickles and olives and found they are quite similar in quality to the name brands. Waning vision has caused me to dismantle the shelving price displays in order to bring the small card with the tiny print nearer my eyes and closer to the nearest light. Having to check and compare the price-per-ounce of everything causes me great distress as math is not my strong suit. The whole shopping expedition takes much, much longer as I roam the aisles looking for bargains. Fortunately, I'm retired and it doesn't matter how long it takes. It's so worth it in the end when the receipt shows my savings for my efforts.

I seized upon a bag of lentils (store brand) for $1.59. Knowing I could make a big batch of cost-efficient soup which would last all week fit into my plans against waste. I didn't get to use them right away as we were out of town for a few days. I came down with a cold on the return flight and didn't relish the idea of grocery shopping for our dinner. It was a perfect time to try out the new recipe for Sausage and Lentil Stew as I thought I had all of the ingredients. Unfortunately, I discovered the recipe called for one pound of andouille sausage which I didn't have on hand. The recipe also only needed 8 ounces of lentils, not the 16 that I had. I figured since I had to go grocery shopping anyway to get the sausage, I would just double the whole recipe because I certainly didn't want to waste 8 ounces of lentils. That would have been 79 cents wasted. Instead I spent another fifteen dollars doubling everything! It wouldn't fit into one pot so I had to try and divide it into two pots mid-way through cooking. The final straw was when I forgot to use low-salt chicken broth and added too much Kosher salt. Other than kicking myself the whole time for my stupidity at doubling the recipe and adding too much salt, it was, overall, a very successful recipe.

Should you choose to be wasteful, you may discard the extra 8 ounces of lentils and prepare the recipe below as intended:

Sausage and Lentil Stew

3 slices thick-cut bacon, diced (about 4 ounces)
1 very large yellow onion, diced
3 large carrots, diced
3 celery stalks, diced
2 bay leaves
8 ounces lentils, picked over and rinsed and drained
1 pound andouille sausage, cut into 1/4 inch-thick diagonal slices
3 cups coarsely chopped fresh kale
1 28-ounce can whole tomatoes with juice
6 cups low-salt chicken broth
2 teaspoons Kosher salt (make sure broth is low-sodium)
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 tablespoon red wine vinegar
Grated Parmesan
Hot sauce (optional)

In a large, heavy pot, cook bacon over medium heat until fat is rendered and bacon is crisp, about 7 minutes. Remove bacon pieces and drain on paper towels. Reserve for garnishing. Keep the bacon fat in the pan.

Add onion, carrots, celery and bay leaves to the bacon fat. Lower heat to medium-low and cook until very tender, stirring frequently.

Stir in lentils, sausage, and kale. Add the tomatoes, crushing with your fingers. Add chicken stock, salt and pepper. Bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce heat to low and simmer one hour, covered, until lentils are tender. Add one tablespoon red wine vinegar. Stir, taste and add more salt and pepper if desired.

Ladle into bowls and top with reserved bacon bits and some grated Parmesan cheese. Kick it up a notch with a splash of hot sauce if desired.

Unless you are very good at freezing and reheating, or if you want too eat this every day for lunch and dinner for a few weeks, I would suggest only making the recipe as it stands. The extra 8 ounces of lentils will keep for another time. Too bad I didn't think of that.

Enjoy!

Chicken and Broccoli Casserole

The weekly recipe blog has become the occasional recipe. Tonight I resurrected another old one I hadn't prepared for probably 15 years. I changed it up a little adding more broccoli and less chicken. We enjoyed the new version. I share it below. We like things very juicy so we serve it in a bowl. It doesn't have a name but it is a version of chicken and broccoli casserole.

Grease a casserole dish. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Microwave 20 ounces of frozen broccoli cuts, under cooking a little, and drain well.
Gently saute 4 skinless, boneless chicken breasts in olive oil. Drain and chop into fairly large pieces (approximately 2-to-3 inches).

Mix together:
1 can 98% fat free cream of chicken soup
1/2 cup low-fat mayonnaise
1 cup non-fat sour cream
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1 tablespoon curry powder
1/2 cup dry white wine
2 tablespoons sherry wine
salt and pepper

Layer broccoli, then cooked chicken in dish. Cover with above mixture. Stir around a little.

Spread cheddar cheese (or any combination of cheddar and other cheeses such as Monterrey jack) over top...be generous with the cheese.
Leave uncovered and cook 30 minutes.

The cheese adds some fat but overall, it is a fairly healthy dish. You can stretch it to serve more portions if you add a tossed green salad. Enjoy!

Why we Visit mom Daily

I left the New Jersey shore and returned to Florida for 10 days to give my sister a small break from tending to mom. People sometimes question why we go to visit mom every day when her needs are taken care of in the assisted living facility. My daily visits reinforced the need to check in on mom.

My first day there mom was delighted to see me and we had a good visit in the afternoon. I stayed during dinner and then suggested to the aide that mom needed to visit the bathroom. Unfortunately, the toilet was clogged with disposable but not flush-able wipes. As they were unable to remove the clog, they put mom in bed and assisted with her BM in the bed. She was most unhappy and said, "I'm too old for this." It was not a pretty sight and very stressful for me to witness but especially for mom to endure. The aides were sweet and comforting but the whole ordeal was not necessary. The earlier shift had made a big mistake by clogging the toilet and leaving it that way and mom had to pay the price.

The next day I was rooting around her medicine cabinet and organizing things when I spotted a small cup of something with mold on top and a small spoon inserted in it. When I mentioned this to Carmen, she immediately came to the room and looked at the cup. She was outraged, took the cup to the other building where the administrator, Lisa, was and reported the incident. Apparently, an aide had crushed mom's medicines in the pudding, became distracted and put the cup in the cabinet planning to give the meds at a later time. Of course, later never came and she didn't get her medicines that day. Since mold takes a few days to develop it wasn't clear which shift of aides had made the mistake and nobody would own up to doing it that many days later. Shortly thereafter, Lisa, the administrator, and Claudine, the nurse, located me to express their dismay and embarrassment. They said a meeting would be held and the problem discussed so it wouldn't happen again. I took that opportunity to tell them of the clogged toilet episode, that mom's teeth needed to be brushed more often, that I feared they were not toileting her often enough, and that she had another skin tear on her elbow. Then I remembered my sister's fears that if we complained too much that they would throw mom out as mom is becoming more difficult to transfer from the wheelchair. I said this to Lisa and she said, "We would never throw your mother out. Your complaints are legitimate and we need to know these things. Your imput is very important and we want you to report all of your concerns."

Later in the week I encountered the physical therapist who said she had given mom six sessions of therapy so far. She said she had to recommend that it be discontinued as mom wasn't showing any improvement. Like a mama bear with it's cub I immediately went into protection mode. I mentioned that she hadn't really moved her limbs for almost a year and that it would be ridiculous to think she would show improvement in just six sessions. She was compassionate but maintained that the rules of medicare are that mom has to improve for them to continue. She also said that since mom is on hospice, she wasn't sure that physical therapy was indicated at all. She took mom through her paces and I gave lots of helpful hints such as, " Talk slower and in shorter sentences. Talk into the ear with the hearing aid." While my advice was valid, it was clear that mom wasn't able to do much without my repeating the requests. Mom responded to my voice but not to the therapist. I begged the therapist to continue but knew it was futile. The best I could do was to learn some of her techniques to continue some of the exercises on my own. It was very disappointing as I want mom to be strong enough to come to my home for visits. She suggested we try the local volunteer ambulance for transporting mom to the house and back.

When either my sister or I go to visit mom we often encounter issues that need addressing. Some are minor but some are major. All of the aides know us and they seem to like and appreciate that we are there so often. It doesn't hurt that we come at different times of the day and basically keep an eye out for anything that could go wrong.

The rest of my visit had highs and lows. A high was my son came to visit me for 5 days to keep me company. We played golf while dodging the rain and ate sumptuous dinners together. A low was the day I backed out of the driveway to visit mom and had a very, very flat tire. Another low was tropical storm Faye who was off the coast and threatening to become a hurricane. I purchased my water and supplies and was prepared but not comfortable being alone. Fortunately, it turned away from us and I was safe. Another high was mom who was incredibly coherent for a few days. We had great chats and many, many laughs together. One evening after I had given her a chocolate which she enjoyed, she said, "How will we entertain these people?" I asked her, "What people?" Then she burst out laughing and said, "Us!" We went outside and entertained ourselves for awhile longer. Oh, and apparently I'm really good at something, I just don't know what. That was a high, too.

To people who wonder why we visit mom every day I say because she deserves some attention. Because she gave us a great childhood and she is still alive. She is still here. Until she is gone, we will protect her and entertain her. We will show her our love even if she doesn't remember that we were there.

Eating out at the Jersey Shore

Pizza is a must-have when at the Jersey Shore. We enjoyed my favorite White Basil Pie with fresh garlic, tomatoes, mozzarella & ricotta cheese topped with fresh basil.
Doesn't it look delicious?

Apparently Owen did not care for green food.

Ben and I enjoyed buying and eating icecream from the vendor at the beach. Here I'm giving him a little assistance with the drips.

There is nothing quite as good as eating a fudgsicle at the beach!

Owen is too young for Mexican food but he is definitely enjoying his snack.

Lindsay and Dave picking over the bones.

Finger-lickin' good Buffalo chicken wings at the Commodore Club.

Homemade margaritas were a must to take to a Mexican byob restaurant. Kris had his own recipe and they were delicious.

Two happy senoras.







Ben loving his Cuppa (grampa).

A proud Grammy.

Ben loving his little brother.

Going to Carmen's waterfront restaurant is a tradition for Lindsay and Kris. It wouldn't be a shore vacation without it.

We had one healthy dinner at home and enjoyed decadent food at various restaurants the rest of the week. I just love having company at the shore.









To leave a comment scroll all the way to the end. I made a mistake I can't undo so keep going to the end.

Vacation From Reality

Lately, I have not been caring for Mom in Sun City Center, Florida, but I have been enjoying a vacation in Sea Isle City, New Jersey. I call it, "my respite with guilt", as I've left most of the mom stuff to my sister for a good part of the summer. Pushing the guilt aside for the moment, I'm feeling happy about a recent visit we had with family here at the shore.

Our beautiful daughter arrived from Michigan with her great husband, fun-loving 4-year old, cuddly 9-month old, a stroller, portacrib, tons of toys and three diagnosed cases of very contagious pink eye! You have never seen so much hand washing and laundry as when there is pink eye in the house. My husband was soon joining them in the eye drops ritual. Somehow I avoided the pink eye but I did get sick with a virus the minute they drove out of the driveway on their way home. Other than that, our son-in-law had to make a trip to the walk-in clinic to the tune of $200 for an ear ache, the ocean was an unseasonably cold 58 to 60 degrees, but no one got a sunburn and that was a miracle in itself.

My brother drove the 2 hours each way to visit with his niece and her family. He enjoyed a great day on the beach and reconnected with that side of the family. During the week we ate a few meals at home but had many dinners out to add to the fun. We played card games at night after we read the kids their final book before bed. Took the kids to the boardwalk to listen to live music and I danced the conga line with the 4-year old. My daughter and her husband went on mini-excursions to get some alone-time while we happily babysat. My husband took the older one to the arcade and out for ice cream. All simple acts but memories for us all to keep.

We've made it a practice to try and see the grandchildren every three months even leaving the paradise of sunny Florida to go up north in the snow. Every time it has been worth it and we come home (or they leave after coming to us) filled up with love and smiles. As anyone with a grandchild knows, there is nothing like spending time with them, watching them change and grow. It is also a joy to watch our daughter as she parents her children. Not once in 8 days did she raise her voice to them. She managed to keep both boys under control with laughter, praise, attention, distraction, and mild discipline. She played on the floor for hours with both of them mauling her and roughhousing. I'm in awe as I know I was never as patient when she and her brother were young. Only lately, after spending time with mom and her disease have I developed the skill of distraction and patience that seems to come so easily to my daughter. What a joy to witness her and her family together.

I'll go back to Florida soon enough to help out with mom. In the meantime, I'm looking at photos of the visit and reliving every minute of a happy time during my hiatus.

Chips Discovery

A quick post to recommend delicious tortilla chips we discovered. Try these spicy chips for a change. Mission brand Cilantro Lime Tortilla Triangles. They come in a brown paper-type bag with green, yellow and red print. They are good straight out of the bag and also tasty as nachos.

One reader requested the fish tacos recipe but I'd like to make them a few more times first to be sure I can describe the cooking procedure for the fish. I'm making more of the slaw this afternoon for my husband who can't get enough of it.

We are having company tomorrow so I'll spend a good part of today cooking so we can enjoy the beach when they get here.

Might as Well Just Give in at the Beginning

My son is like a dog with a bone. He will not let go of an idea until you finally give in and agree with him. I guess that is why he is good at sales which is his profession. He has been nagging me for two years to try a recipe that he absolutely loves. When I mentioned this to my daughter, his sister, she said, "You must be exhausted." She, too, knows what it is like to have her brother hot and excited about something. Lately he has been after her to buy a Netti pot. Personally, I agree that it is probably a great thing to own if you are subject to allergies or colds, although I don't own one yet. In fact, I may have been the one to convince him to get it in the first place as I saw Dr. Oz demonstrate it on Oprah. Anyway, so far she has resisted but will eventually give in I'm sure. He is just so hard to resist. He's not obnoxious or pushy. Well, I guess he is pushy but in the most charming way possible. He presents the most convincing arguments and changes any negative thoughts you may have into positive ones.

My sister had a dog, Rocky, for about 17 years. I love dogs more than people so when I say he was obnoxious, you can believe me. He rarely came out from under the bed and when he did, he would bite you as often as not. He urinated all over the rugs the last year or so and sis was wishing for his early demise. Well, 17 isn't early but the sooner the better. When he finally did pass, she cried for days. She did love him in spite of his flaws and she mourned for quite a long time. However, she declared she would NEVER have another dog.

Several years later my son had to give his puppy up for adoption as he was moving to a new town with a new job and would be travelling extensively. He knew this would be unfair to leave his wonderful dog alone all day or for days at a time so he looked for a good family for her. My sister didn't have a prayer. He had her by the second sentence out of his mouth. She adopted the dog and loves her immensely.

He only "sells" things or ideas that are worthwhile. I should be able to trust him by now as he has never let me down. I don't know why it took me two years to try the recipe for fish tacos. I finally tried them tonight and they were absolutely delicious. I'm sorry I wasted so much time when I could have been enjoying them. He was right.

Fair warning: if you see him coming either put in ear plugs or just go ahead and do what he says right away as you will do it eventually anyway.

Gotta Have a Distraction From Alzheimer's

Other than my sister, I don't know anyone but me who reads a cookbook in bed. We both love food, cooking, the whole process of creating something from raw or basic ingredients. It's an opportunity to be original or not but at the very least, it's playing with food. It's a new recipe we haven't tried before or an old favorite. Did I mention we love food? Our conversations center on food or mom, depending on our mood. Sometimes after we discuss mom and her various problems,we find comfort describing a recipe we've tried or want to try. Cooking is a distraction. You can't very well be worrying or thinking about something else when chopping or slicing unless you don't mind losing a digit. If your mind wanders to anything else, you are likely to skip an ingredient or do something wrong. If you begin to think about mom's latest skin tear or falling incident in the middle of cooking, you are guaranteed a mistake of some variety. We push the problems of the day aside and concentrate on the recipe at hand.

When we plan on having mom over to dinner, it's a week-long chat about what to serve. Naturally, we want to give mom some of her favorites so we take that into consideration when planning the menu. We also have to time the whole meal to avoid mom's worst time of the day. Sun downing, they call it. It's the end of the day when the sun goes down. The diminishing daylight seems to negatively affect people with Alzheimer's. We try to pick her up following her afternoon nap yet before it gets too late. We often scramble to keep mom happy when the potatoes Anna casserole or the like is still cooking. As much as we enjoy cooking, we don't have it down to a perfect science and often miscalculate the cooking times. This is when my husband, Dave, comes into play. He teases mom and makes her laugh. Sis and I have another glass of wine to ease the anxiety we are feeling while mom moans or starts in with her "Oh no-ing".

We produce our masterpiece-of-a-dinner and give and receive praise from each other and the others at the table. Usually mom eats heartily as it is at least an hour later than her usual meal time. Her mood improves, as does ours, and we eagerly anticipate our dessert; something we have only because mom wants it. At least that's what we tell ourselves.

After dinner we either do an hour of karaoke singing which mom enjoys or quickly get her back into the car depending on her level of comfort. Mom is always very, very appreciative of the "outing" and tells us over and over again how kind we are. Sis and I are generally tired from a long day of cooking and anxiety over mom's behavior. However, the next day, refreshed from a good night's sleep, we often rehash the dinner. We comment that this needed more salt while that was an amazing taste sensation and so on. Our love of cooking has once again brought the two of us closer together while also providing joy for mom.

Doing the Best I can

It's so frustrating to be in New Jersey while mom is in Florida. My sister is doing a yeoman's job visiting her almost every day so I know, intellectually, that mom is fine. Emotionally, however, I feel guilty for not being there. I've been trying to keep in contact with mom to give her some small joy via the phone and to make sure she doesn't forget me, but it hasn't been easy. I can't call an hour before, during, or after a meal because the aides are busy either giving medications or serving or cleaning up after a meal. When I call after the meal is over, mom is already having a nap. It's been difficult to coordinate the calls with our schedule and hers.

Tonight I finally got through to her. It was after her dinner, around 5:40 or so. I suggested to Dee, the aide, to put the phone to mom's only good ear...the one with the only remaining hearing aid...and to remove the hearing aid. Now I'm stricken with thoughts that I should call back and be sure they put it back in before it, too, gets lost. No wonder I have belly fat. They say stress is the cause and I've had my share. Anyway, I also mentioned to Dee to keep an eye on mom as sometimes she either can't hear as the phone has slipped or we are finished with our conversation and mom doesn't know how to turn off the phone...thus keeping me captive for a long, long time listening to mom saying "No, no, no, no, no, no" until they come to the rescue and take the phone away after we have said our tenth goodbye. Not that I mind spending the time talking with her but when the conversation diminishes to very loud, desperate "Oh no, no, no", it's best to end it before she becomes more agitated.

The call went swimmingly at first. Mom could hear and she was delighted to hear my voice as I was hers. As always, I struggled for conversation topics to which she could relate. I asked her if she had enjoyed a good dinner. After all, it was only 20 minutes at most since her last bite so I figured it was a good conversation opener. She said, "I haven't had a bite to eat". Having been there before I didn't try to convince her that she indeed had eaten her dinner. I said I hoped she would enjoy whatever they gave her later.

I told her I was enjoying my new favorite cocktail, an Appletini. She struggled with this information for awhile but was determined to get it straight. She finally did repeat it correctly and said she wished she could be with me having a cocktail right now. I hesitated to explain that it was a type of Martini fearing she would launch into her long-standing position that she never liked it when Dan, her husband, had a martini. However, she listened to the description and didn't get upset. In fact, she said it sounded delicious!

I told her Dave (my husband, her favorite) was at the grocery store buying chili powder for the chili I was making. She said, "Well, you have to have chili powder to make a good chili." Again, she said it sounded delicious. I think the next time I have her over to the house I'll make her chili for dinner. She prides herself on not being a fussy eater. I complimented her and said she raised us all up right as none of us are fussy eaters either. Well, my brother is fussy when you think about it. The rest of us eat everything. Where he came from, we're not sure. Anyway, we congratulated ourselves on our appreciation of all food and drink.

I told her she was a very good mother. She said, "I'm not so sure." I convinced her that she was as I had a very good childhood. This took about 5 minutes of repeating and explaining but she finally got it and was happy that I thought so. I realize that with each call or visit it may be the last opportunity I have to tell her how wonderful she is. I don't want regrets after she is gone. I don't want thoughts or words to remain unspoken. I want her to know that I love her so I tell her often. She usually tells me the same in return. Funny thing is, I don't think we spoke verbally of our love for each other until this last year. My parents were loving in their actions but not in their spoken words per se. They told us we were wonderful and perfect and a great joy in their lives but the actual words, "I love you" were not spoken. At least I don't remember it. I remember feeling a little awkward the first time I told her out loud. In the beginning she would say, "thank you". Now, she freely repeats her love for me and I treasure hearing it. Sometimes when I visit her and tell her my feelings she doesn't say anything. I find myself repeating it again and again until she responds. Sometimes I have to leave not hearing those beautiful words. They are in my heart though and I hear them there.

The phone call deteriorated as she became tired. I wanted to end it but the aide was nowhere in sight. Then I heard Marguerite saying to mom, "It's your daughter. Talk to your daughter." Mom said, "I'm not happy and want to go home and get out of this place." Here I am a thousand miles away and she says, "You caught me at a bad time as I am so unhappy." I tried to discern why she was unhappy but it was futile. She must have put the phone down on her lap as there was silence for a minute or two. Then Marguerite put the phone back up to her ear and she said, "Hello." I said, "Hi, mom, it's Nancy." "Oh, hi dear", she said. Like we hadn't spoken at all earlier. I was given an opportunity to make her happy all over again. So I did.

Should I Write to you, George?

We are good Americans. While many people used their economic stimulus check to pay off bills, we spent all of ours to help boost the economy. Last week I tried to make Oprah proud and now George Bush should be proud.

After three days of driving and $192 in gas (no thanks for that, George) we arrived at our summer place at the Jersey shore. We had been warned of a bad storm that occurred a month ago so we were somewhat prepared for the worst. We opened the door and found water in the garage and mud all over the interior floor of the first level. That level of the house is used for some storage and to house the furnace and water heater. We've spent days mopping, bleaching, and drying the walls and floor and anything we had stored. A few things were salvageable, but most went directly to the dump. Actually, most of those things belonged at the dump anyway as they were left over garage sale items that didn't sell. The extra "basement" refrigerator was ruined. At the shore you absolutely need a place to store extra liquid refreshments for all of your guests. So, we purchased a new one. (Thanks George.) Today we replaced the beach chairs, bought paint for the walls and new carpet for the floor. (Thanks George.) My husband's Corvette was in the garage and we're pretty sure it is ruined. That won't be replaced. (Not enough cash, George.) As luck would have it, our dishwasher broke yesterday. That was purely a coincidence and had nothing to do with the flood as it is located on the third floor. However, we still had to buy a new one. (Thanks George.) I've been washing dishes by hand for days and it's not fun. The dishwasher can't be delivered for five more days! Tomorrow our first company of the season arrives. They have never been to our house and we want them to have a good time. I wonder how they will feel about washing their own dishes? Hope it doesn't ruin their fun.

While our flood is a costly inconvenience, it pales by comparison to the flooding problems in the mid-west. I know this really isn't a big deal in the scheme of things. I'm slightly embarrassed about whining but I had my eye on new golf clubs, not replacing damaged items. Sigh. We were good Americans and did as we were told with the stimulus check. We could have saved it, or invested it, or paid off bills, but we spent it. Do you think if I write George showing the receipts for practical purchases he will reward me with golf clubs? I guess he doesn't care whether the purchases were practical or frivolous as long as we stimulated the economy but I think sacrificial good behavior should be rewarded.